Subside
by Crystal Spinning
Summary: Has the indomitable Darrel Curtis met his match in the spunky newcomer, JC Ashton? Part 1 of Outsiders Series.
1. Chapter 1

Subside – An Outsiders Fanfiction – Darry Curtis Love Story

Chapter 1

I've always been real skinny. Not in the good way, that the Soc girls like. Scrawny. I got bones poking out of everywhere. People say it makes me look tough. Never tuff, just tough. I guess I am. I been in plenty of fights, even though I'm only going on seventeen. Once, I even dressed up as a guy to fight in a rumble. I sure got a whipping from Charlie when my hat fell off though. He's always worrying too much about me. And we even _won_! I guess I shoulda known that I'm too small to pass for a guy. I'm not too womanly though. I'm too skinny. Charlie thinks it's because I don't eat. It's true that I don't. I hate the feeling of being full. And also I learned young to conserve food. Dad is barely home. He drops of food every two weeks or so, but that's okay. Charlie looks out for me. And when I do run out of food, Charlie or the boys help me out.

I usually stay at one of the boy's houses. Jimmy leaves the door unlocked for me, Charlie told me where he hides the spare key, and Case is usually with me. Charlie thinks that I can't take care of myself. But I can. I may not be as tuff as the guys, but I'm just as tough. Case doesn't talk too much. But we're real close. One time though, when he was in jail, I was sleeping in a field. I got in a fight with Jimmy and Charlie was out doing something crazy. I think he had a girl over. But I woke up in the middle of the night cause I heard a car. I tried to run, but I'm kinda scrawny. They were Socs. They were real scary. All I wanted was to blow off steam. It was summer and warm, so I liked sleeping outside. But they held me down with a knife and I screamed and screamed until someone came running.

Jackhammer rescued me. Jackhammer is real big. There were maybe three of them, and I don't wanna think about what they were gonna do. Usually I'm not worried about rape or anything because I'm too skinny and I seem real mean. But they were drunk. So Jackhammer helped me out.

Boy, Jackhammer was scary. He doesn't get mad too easily, he's always happy and joking. But when he does get scary, it's like an earthquake. He beat up all of the boys, and he picked me up and let me cry in his arms for what felt like an hour. He's a real good guy to have around. He isn't around much though. I was real lucky. He's usually in jail. It was weird to see him out of the slammer and Case in there. Case is level-headed. I don't know what he got in there for, so don't ask.

People mistake me and Charlie for cousins a lot. We're both real skinny and freckled. He has green eyes though, and mine are grayish. They match the hue of Jack's gun. It's a real pretty color, even if that's not a sweet way of saying that. But the resemblance is done there. While I don't top five feet, Charlie is closer to six. He's got bright red hair that he greases back, while I got shaggy blonde hair. I don't do anything with it. I just sorta leave it. I don't even actually brush it that much. But I figure if my hair can grow, so can I. I want long hair and to be tall more than anything. Long hair is tuff, I hate my short hair. And shortness makes people look down at me. I hate it, I do. But Jimmy says that I seem taller than I am. That's good, Jimmy would know. Me and Jimmy used to go together. He's a real wide guy, average height. We were a tuff looking couple, real nice. He said he was surprised at far down he had to bend to kiss me. And he's not too big himself.

Jimmy's a good guy. When we did it, he was always real sweet. It's my fault we broke up. I told him that I liked him a real lot, and loved him too, I just wasn't in love with him. He was a real good time, but I figured we were better as friends.

I was laying on Charlie's bed. It's real comfortable. He's got lotsa blankets. He always has to sleep with a blanket, even in hot summers. I was tryna nap but he doesn't got any curtains. I wasn't tired enough to sleep in the light, but I closed my eyes real tight and pretended it was dark already. I was just about to drop off when the door opened up right in front of me.

It was Case. He flopped on the bed next to me. His dark hair is real short, so he can't hide his eyes. He had to shave it, cause he somehow got fleas. _Fleas_. I like it better this way. His leather jacket was jet black, brand new, and smelled good. Jackhammer lifted it from somewhere. I don't know how. I'm a wreck at stealing.

"Hey, Ash." He said slowly. He's real thoughtful. When the boys wanna annoy me, they call me Jennifer. My full name is Jennifer Celeste Ashton. I like Ash. It's tuff. Way tuffer than my real name.

"What's up, Case?" I asked, turning towards him. I was just wearing jeans and a windaround top. It showed my abs and my shoulders. I was real proud of my abs. They're flat, like girls like, but defined. That's tuff as anything, and tough. It only covered my chest. Good. I didn't have much to show off anyway. I flicked out my blade and started picking at my fingernails. I hate when dirt gets under them. But I like my nails long. They always get messed up and break though.

"Stop messing with that piece of shit," he said in his steady way. "I got seriousness to tell you. Charlie called. He was with your pa. Your pa called Charlie and asked him to help him fix his car. But some dealer came up and shot at them. Charlie didn't get hit once, but your pa's… he's dead, Ash. The Soc got away real easy. They dunno who it is. Charlie didn't even see 'em. You gotta go to your cousin's house."

I flushed. My cousin, John, was a real sweet boy. He lived about an hour away, in the next city. His ma is real crazy. They look just alike, dark and small, but she's awful. I met them once, last year. I came to visit with Jimmy, who had family there. His ma and pa are nuts crazy though. "What? Why? When?" it felt too unreal for me to get mad or sad. Case was too calm. It made me calm.

"Someone from the court's gonna escort you. Jimmy's off blowing some steam. Charlie wanted to take you, but the court people won't let em. You get the house when you turn eighteen. They're gonna auction your stuff, furniture and television and whatnot. You keep the property though."

I wasn't too sad about my pa. He was a good guy, treated me nice and all, but I didn't see him enough. He didn't like my ma's family. My ma and my uncle were fighting. They fought until she died two years ago. I was real close to her. I miss her a lot. She got knifed while walking home from work, in broad daylight. It was a real shock. I still get sad when I think about it. My uncle got married to the crazy woman. Ma said that he was driven to drink because of her, and they only got married cause she got pregnant.

"What about you guys?" I felt my eyes fill with tears. "You and Charlie, Jackhammer and Jimmy? You guys are my family. I don't wanna go!"

"I hate being the bearer for bad news, Ash. But lookit the newspaper. Isn't that your cousin?" I peered at the picture. It sure was. He got his picture in the paper.

I read the article. It was about how John and two of his friends rescued a buncha little kids from a burning church, saved their lives.

But at the end of the article, two of them died from their wounds. John and his friend were dead.

My first thoughts were selfish.

"So I gotta go to the crazy lady all alone?" I wailed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was a real sad goodbye.

I stared up at Charlie and Jimmy and Jack and Case. They all kissed me on the forehead, promised to visit, swore that as soon as Charlie turned twenty-one that they'd get me back and file for guardian. I was the youngest, and smallest and the girl. They were my family, and they would always take care of me.

Charlie hadn't bothered to grease back his hair this morning: his eyes were shadowed. I swallowed a lump in my throat, tryna be tough, but it didn't work. He knelt down and I ran into his arms, wailing like a baby. I couldn't bear to let go of his strong arms, until Jackhammer lifted me up and held me. I realized that he was trembling. That only made it worse. Jackhammer barely spoke seriously, let alone cried. He loved me. He was my brother. He set me down quickly, and turned away. I wrapped my arms around Case and Jimmy at the same time, and planted big wet kisses on their cheeks. "I love you all, guys. I'll be back soon. I gotta be."

Before I could make a bigger fool outta myself, I ran onto the train where the lady was waiting. She raised an eyebrow at my outfit, not being rude, but being shocked and trying to hide it. I realized belatedly how I must look: wild, tangled hair, freckles, ratty jeans, barefoot with not even a decent shirt on. I flushed, and reached into my bag, pulling out a pair of tennis shoes and tied them on. They felt so confining. I dug around for a brush and pulled it through my hair. It took about fifteen minutes. I didn't bother putting on a better shirt. What was the point?

The lady looked at my bag. "Is that all you're bringing?" she asked curiously. "Did you leave everything at your old house? Or is it in cargo?"

I was puzzled. I looked at the ratty duffle bag. It was filled to the brimming. "I got my jeans, these shoes, a brush, a tooth brush, a couple more of these shirts, and my jacket." I shrugged on the leather jacket to hide my shoulders. I looked presentable now, I hoped.

She stared. "That's all you have?"

"It's all I need." I replied, looking out the window. "I got a roof over my head, a place to sleep, some food, and I'm fine. The property's mine, so I figgered I'd leave what I didn't need there. I plan on going back as soon as possible. If the nice furniture and stuff is being sold, then why bother about it? It's just to pay for my pa's burial: he hated funerals."

She stared at me. Her red lipstick left a stain on her yellow teeth. She wasn't a bad lookin' lady. She had pretty, dark hair combed into a perfect bun, while wearing a perfect suit, with perfect pantyhose and shoes. She was a Soc growing up, I could tell. She wasn't old either. Maybe twenty-three.

"You're a greaser girl." She said out loud. I coulda snapped my fingers. I knew I was right about her being a Soc.

"Sure am, and proud of who I am, ma'am. You're a Soc, aren't you?"

"Nup." She answered, leaning back. "I growed up on the streets, same as you. I got the grades, but I knew the score. Now I got me a fancy job helpin' people out. I'm doin' real good for myself, yes sirree, bub." I stared at her. What I hadn't noticed was the hard lines on her face, the fact that yellow teeth comes from cigarettes. She popped one out and lit it. "Want a light?" she asked. "They're Kools."

I shrugged and took one. She kept talking while we smoked. Hey, when I think about it, I realize that we weren't allowed to smoke. Guess we were really greasy. "You know," she said, half Soc-y adult, half greaser. "Iunno 'bout you, but I think I'm pretty inspirational. Lotsa greasers think they're headed nowhere fast, but lookit me? I'm still greasy," she said, patting her perfect bun, which was held with grease. "But I got me a good job, and a good man, and a good life. If I can do it, so can you."

She was an inspiration, but I would never tell her that. We smoked straight on through a whole pack. I don't usually smoke, but this was kind of a contest, it felt like. Like whoever could smoke more cigarettes won. Won what, I don't know.

"So," she said, flipping through my 'file'. "You were pulse to be placed in a home, but upon death, your auntie and uncle Cade are your guardians, legally. Hey, is that like the greaser hero, John Cade?"

"I only met him once, but yeah. It was him. Real sad about it too. He was nice, real nice." I leaned back, feeling sick from the train and the cigarettes. "Him and his friend Dallas died. Burn wounds, I think. It only happened about a month ago. They're still writin' about it though. He musta been real tuff. Too bad I missed out on me and him being friends. We coulda got along real well."

I sat against the seat and thought about him. John Cade- Johnny, I remembered, he liked to be called Johnny. Johnny was small and dark tanned, the opposite of my white skin. He had big fearful eyes, like he was scared all the time. Nervous, maybe. Like when you buy a puppy and treat it good, all sweet and loving, then all of a sudden scream at it. The puppy would be bewildered by the world turning upside-down and sideways. That's what Johnny Cade looked like. Charlie had connections in this city. He heard from the Brumley outfit that Johnny had been jumped a few months after we met. Poor guy. Charlie told me, assuming I'd care. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I just didn't know what to think. Of course I felt bad, poor kid. But what was I gonna do? Write the kid a letter? Jeez man. Charlie overestimated my female compassion or something.

I fell asleep while the lady spoke. I realized I didn't know her name. When I woke up, I swore to myself to ask her. She has inspired me, just a little bit. I liked her attitude.

When I woke up, she was putting her stuff away into a brief case. She smiled. "Good, Jennifer, you're up. The stop is right now—"

"Ash." I said. "My name is Ashton. I don't go by Jennifer."

She nodded. "My name is Cassandra Fisher. You call me Fish. Cause I swim like one."

I nodded at her. "What do we gotta do when we hit my uncles?" I asked. "Paperwork?"

"No. Everything's been done. I guess it feels kinda fast, don't it?" she asked. Then she slipped back into her high and mighty grownup act. "The loss must hurt terribly. I'll stay with you as long as you like. I really am only here to get you to your aunts."

"I know where she lives." I answered. "I can get there myself if the paperwork's done." It made no sense for her to hop off then back on. She hesitated.

"I gotta date tonight." She confided. "The train took longer than I thought."

"You go." I answered. "Grease to grease. I don't got nowhere else to go anyway. I could use some sleep."

She nodded. "Call me tomorrow, so I can write up my report to the court to say I for sure got you to the Cade's."

I nodded. I took the card she handed me, and stuck it in my front pocket. She knew the score. I didn't have a place to go, or the cash to buy a ticket. So I'd hafta go there. I stepped off and waved goodbye.

I remember when Charlie took me here. Most people were scared of Charlie. He's known as Big Red around everywhere else. Only I call him Charlie, actually. He doesn't seem like a scary dealer man to me. He's my buddy, that's all.

I sort of blanked out while I was walking. I do that a lot. It's my time to relax. I pace a lot too, when I'm upset. I'm not the kinda person who likes to stay still. Unless I'm tired. If I'm tired, I just like to sit and kick back. I do like to sleep a lot, though. It was getting chilly, actually. It was cooler here than on my turf. Thank goodness for that leather jacket.

Charlie bought it for me last month, as an early birthday gift. He said that since he wouldn't remember to give it to me when my actual birthday came around, I might as well get it now. My birthday's next week. I'll be seventeen years old. I don't really care. I don't even think Jimmy knows when my birthday is. I'll bet Case or Jackhammer does. Case is nice like that, and Jack's real smart. He remembers things real good.

I stopped when I heard yelling. I was outta my own territory now, and although it hadn't really hit me now, I was real scared. I kept my hand on my back pocket, where my blade rested, and strode more carefully. I took on the swagger that I used when I wanted to look tough. Case made fun of it, but Jackhammer thought it was very convincing.

I peered around the corner. The streetlights were just beginning to turn on, and the whooping and hollerin' didn't stop. It was a whole group of kids. Most of them seemed about my age. There was maybe four or five of them. They were big too, or most of them. There was one who seemed only a bit bigger than me. I had to go this way to get to the Cade house though. I guessed the aunt or uncle wouldn't care if I got late. When I met cousin Johnny, he mentioned it.

I took my sweet time walking around, and I thought I'd gotten past safe, when I flew into the air. One of those rowdy greasers had picked me up and tossed me over his shoulders. I slid the blade out from my pocket and sighed.

"You know, grease, I can cut your hair real good from up here!" I said, grabbing a light but firm hold of the boy's hair. It was real soft and silky, and long enough for the threat to hold. But after freezing for a second, the boy laughed.

"I ain't never seen you before!" he said. "This here is our turf, whatcha doing here?" he demanded impishly, not rudely. Just curious I guess.

He still hadn't put me down, but I trusted him. I loosed my hold on my hair and rested my hands on his head. You'd think I'd be uncomfortable, but he seemed friendly. I trusted him already, I guess.

"My name's Ash, I'm movin in with some kin." I answered. "Well, what's your name? Figure if I'm riding on your shoulders then you might as well tell me."

He grinned up at me, and good Lord my heart almost stopped in my chest right there. That young boy looked like a movie star! "I'm Sodapop."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Made a new friend, little buddy?" an enormous man called out from the steps of his house. "I don't think it's too polite to do that to a stranger."

"It's alright, she's friendly!" the boy, Sodapop answered. "She's a greaser girl." He bounced me up and down on his shoulders and took me over to where the boys were hootin' and hollerin'. "This here's Ash, guys. She's movin' in with some kin. Hey girl, who are you gonna live with?"

"I gotta move in with the Cade family. You know 'em?" I asked. I looked down at the five boys. They all got real quiet, real fast. I guess they knew Johnny.

"You're a cousin?" one boy asked. He was eye level with me, even though I was on the boy's shoulders.

"Yeah. Johnny Cade's my cousin. Real dark boy. I guess you were friends."

One boy, the small one, has glittering eyes. I looked at him, and recognized him. That was the Ponyboy, the friend that had lived through the fire. "Yeah," he said. "Johnny and us were real close." I guessed he was about to cry.

Sodapop shifted me on his shoulders, and I put my blade away. When he saw the blade, the older guy nearly whipped me, I swear it. "What do you think you're doing with that, girl?" he hollered so loud my ears almost popped. He stood up, and I saw eye to eye with him. Sodapop shifted and stepped back. "You tryna kill my brother? If you can't use a weapon, then don't have it!"

That made me real mad. He was just like Charlie. I didn't know him, but I have a real bad temper. Charlie thinks it's cause I'm so small. He figures that if I act tough, people won't notice my smallness. "Well who are you?" I shouted right back at him. "My name is not girl, you over muscled greaser! You think cause I'm a girl, that I can't use a knife? Well you're damn wrong with that! I'd cut you in a second!" Sodapop's hands tightened on my legs, as if to keep me from leaping off onto the other boy. His brother? "I got news for you, mister slick! I know what I'm doing and I've cut just as many people as you!"

"Well then I guess you are inexperienced. Darry aint ever cut no one!" hooted one of the boys.

"You keep your mouth shut, Two-Bit!" answered Darry.

"Don't yell." Sodapop pleaded. "She's gonna move into Johnny's house."

Another boy spoke up. "He's right, Superman. Lay off the girl. She won't hurt Soda none. She was puttin' the blade away afore you started shouting."

It was quiet now, and I wondered if I was getting to heavy for the boy. I guess not, because he clambered up onto one of the cars and sat down. I pulled myself offa his shoulders and sat with him.

"Ash, I'm Soda, that there's my brothers. Big one's Darry, real bossy." His eyes glinted with fun. "Scrawny one there's Pony. The one who wouldn't shut is Two-Bit. And that there's my buddy Steve. Don't take them serious now. Buncha rowdy greasers." He smiled at me warmly. I liked this boy.

"So you're gonna be livin' in Johnny's house?" Ponyboy asked me. He had a real soothing voice. Listening to it felt like a lullaby.

"I'll sleep there every once ina while." I answered honestly. "Iunno how much livin' I'll do there though. I met Johnny once last year, and it didn't seem like sucha great scene."

It was quiet for a minute. I guess to other people it'd be weird for me to be hanging out with a buncha people I don't know, talkin' 'bout my dead cousin, but for greaser's, it's business. We take care of each other. I shivered in my jacket.

The oldest one, Darry noticed. He seemed real sorry for shouting. I wasn't. He started it. But if he wanted to be nice, I'd be right friendly back. "Hey," he said. "Johnny had it rough there. It's gettin' cold now. If you ever need a place to stay…" he paused, obviously not comfortable. We had just hollered at each other, and we barely knew each other. "The door's always unlocked and there's a blanket in the closet. We got a couch."

"And lotsa chocolate cake in the icebox." Steve finished with a grin. "Only not right now, cause me and Two-Bit finished it off for dinner."

"You're real quiet, Soda." Ponyboy jumped on the car too, quiet and graceful. While the other guys started laughin' about the cake, Ponyboy just looked at Soda. I turned away. I wasn't about to move for them, but I figured I might as well give them some privacy.

"I guess its cause of Johnny." Soda answered. "And Sandy. Since next week's my birthday… I guess I figured I woulda asked her to marry me on my birthday. Woulda been the best present ever, you know? But guess not… Iunno if she woulda even accepted it, now. I thought she loved me as much as I love her."

Ponyboy looked at me. I could feel the intensity of his eyes on my head. It made me nervous, almost. "Well, Soda. You need better. If Sandy didn't appreciate you, then I guess it's her loss."

I piped in at that. "You seem like a real nice feller, Soda." I told him honestly. "And prolly one of the most attractive boys I ever did see. Iunno about the rest of you, but you seem like a real good kid. I could get to like you."

He looked up. He had real live tears in his eyes. They were dark, like chocolate. I guess that I could get to like him. Really like him, I mean. I liked Jimmy well enough, but I guess he didn't stop my heart with a smile. This boy could do that without a smile. And I didn't even barely know him.

"So where you from?" Darry asked me politely. I looked at him. He truly was huge. He had muscles on his muscles, the size of baseballs. His shoulders were real long too. I smiled: "I'm from Big Red's gang down next city over." I answered. "You heard of him. He's been here. And we got connections to the Brumley boys, and I know they helped you out in a rumble boutta month ago."

Steve and Two-Bit's eyes widened and their mouths dropped wide enough for an owl to roost in. "Big Red?" they asked, almost reverently. "You parta Big Red's gang? He's legendary! Heck, even Tim Shepard's scareda him, and Tim's nothing to mess with."

"Well, shoot." I said. "I'd think so. Charlie's a big guy, greasy as anything. You could use his sweat to cook French fries."

Two-Bit laughed out loud. It was infectious. I grinned at him right back. Darry turned away, ran into his house and slammed the door. It was getting' real dark. I didn't mind though. I flicked out my blade and picked at my nails. My blade wasn't actually real sharp. It was all bluff. Case carried a heater for bluff. But Case was greasier than me.

A car rolled by. A real tuff one, a Mustang. But when I was about to comment on it, Sodapop jumped off the car and grabbed me again. This time he was rough. He wrapped his arms around my waist and just pulled. I almost cut my hand. "Hey!" I yelled, as he dragged me inside. "What's the big idea?"

"Those are Socs." He answered. "You don't need no trouble on your first day. Stay in here. Darry!" he yelled. Darry came out, shirtless, with a wet face. He'd been shaving.

"What's wrong, Soda?" he asked, rubbing his chin. "You okay?"

"Socs outside." He answered. "I figured I'd better grab the girl and get her outta here. There was two Mustangs, real tuff Soc-y ones. If they got that many people, then I figured I should hide the girl."

I stared in amazement. In my city, the Socs didn't dare come down to our turf. Two cars filled to the brim with them? "I'm not scared of any Soc tryna fight me." I said, wiggling out of his grasp.

But it was Darry who answered. "It wouldn't be a fight we're worried about." And it hit me. I guess I didn't see myself as the kinda girl that could happen to. But I remembered the time when Jackhammer just barely got to rescue me, and shut my trap.

Darry saw my face and nodded. "Soda, stay in here. I'll see what they want." He strode outside.

"Well heck." I said, amazed. "That's one huge guy. Real big."

"He's a cool ol' guy, Darry." Soda said about his brother. He seemed really serious. "Cool ol' guy. He'll handle this without a fight. But if he couldn't, you should still stay in here."

I looked around the house. It was dark out by now, and the house had a cozy feel too it. The light was yellow and soft, it was messy but not dirty, and it smelled like chocolate cake. "This is a real nice place here." I said.

"What does your house look like?" he asked.

I blinked. "Well shoot. Damned if I remember. I'm never there. Never had a reason to be, sides to change clothes."

I shivered again. It was warmer in the house. I didn't usually get cold, but maybe I was coming down with something.

Yeah.

Like nervousness.

He put his arm around me. "Don't be worried. Don't even think about it." he said with a charming smile. "Things'll be real good, Darry'll handle it."

"You know," I said thoughtfully. "You seem like a real funny guy. Don't be so serious. I bet its cause of the whole deal with my cousin. He was a good kid. I met him. Soda, I heard what Ponyboy said about your girl. Don't sweat it. Things may seem rough now, but later they'll get better. If there wasn't no hard times," I grinned.

"Then we'd all be Socs." He mumbled. Then he grinned back at me, heart-stoppingly handsome. I could get to like a boy like this.

All the boys popped in, single-file. "That wasn't a fight." Steve complained. "That was a coupla Socs thinking they could whip us, and they never been praised for their brains."

Darry shook his head. "Come on, Ash. I'll take you to Johnny's. I don't trust the streets right now."

I stood up. "Thanks," I said. "Nice meeting alla ya'll." I told the guys, smiling at them all. "See you later."

I followed Darry out the door. "Hey, thanks man. I appreciate it."

"Dally was friends with Big Red. You know Dally?"

"Dally, as in Dallas Winston? Yeah I knew him. I didn't recognize him as the guy in the paper though. When I met him, he had two black eyes and a cut up the side his face. Dirty little bastard stuck his hand down my shirt." I answered. "But he was one of the tuffest guys I ever did meet, I swear it. That was one kid who knew the score. He helped me out once. He was a little piece of shit… but I liked him."

Darry was quiet for a minute, and we stepped in silence on the brown bits of leaves. Winter would be there soon. I shivered. I looked away for a second, and he draped his jacket over me. I looked up in surprise.

"Well thanks man!" I said, genuinely pleased. That was a nice thing to do. I don't think even Case woulda thought of doing that for me. He stared away from me for a second.

"I'm gonna wait by the door." He told me, still not looking at me.

"Alright." I shrugged. Prolly a smart, gentle manly move of him. "Thanks. You're being awful nice to a stranger who pulled a knife on your brother."

"You couldn't have stabbed Soda. Everyone loves Soda. He's happy-go-lucky and the most joyful kid I ever met. He's down right now because his birthday's next week, and he lost his girl. Then there's what happened with Johnny and Dallas. He likes you. You remind him of Johnny. Your even prettier than his Sandy, too. Be nice to him."

"I'll treat him real good." I answered. "But just cause we're bein' nice to each other don't mean nothing."'

"I know how girls see Soda," he said, almost angrily. "You don't have to lie from shyness, or anything."

"Who says I'm lyin'?" I demanded, flipping my hair back and looking up at him. "Yeah, he is the most beautiful boy I ever met, but looks aren't everything."

He blinked at me, and looked at me long and hard. He mussed my hair and grinned. "Alright. Go check in with the Cades and I'll meet you out here."

"You're so sure they'll kick me out!" I hollered at him. "I got plenty of charm."

He laughed. "Don't get sassy, little girl."

I walked inside. Aunt Cade was a tiny girl, my size, but dark. She was screaming at my uncle. Poor drunk. He took a swig every time she took a breath. He saw me, waved at me, and I walked out.

"Welp, you were right!" I said cheerfully. "How comfy is your couch?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When I woke up the next morning, there was a pile of guys. I guessed Darry, Soda, and Ponyboy were in their beds, but Steve and Two-Bit were sleeping next to me, on the floor. I smiled. I liked these kids alright. But I heard talking. I guess it was rude of me to listen in, but it came from what I guessed was Pony and Soda's room. Since it was their voices.

"I wonder what it's like to be a girl, and a gangster." Ponyboy said. "Cherry Valance is a Soc girl. We got greaser girls. But Ash is real tough. I don't even carry around a knife."

"You don't need a knife. You got me and Darry to protect you. But she's just a girl. I guess being Big Red's friend helped her before, but for now, she can stick with us. Like when them Socs drove by last night… I saw them, and I saw Sandy. Those Socs are vicious. I really do think that if they'd gotten a second of a chance, they'd jump her in a heartbeat. And more. I had to protect her. What if it was Sandy who had been sitting there? Ash is smaller than Sandy, and Iunno how fast she is. I just grabbed her, I was so scared. I don't even know her."

Ponyboy was quiet. "Darry sure is acting weird around her."

"Guess its cause the first time they spoke to each other, they hollered."

"Yeah…" Ponyboy was thoughtful.

"How does green mac and cheese sound for breakfast?" Sodapop laughed. I moved away from the door and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The door opened and Ponyboy walked out. Sodapop came rolling with a cartwheel and stopped right in front of my face. He grinned impishly, "Wanna see a prime chef in action?" he asked, with a roaring laugh that woke up Steve.

The four of us crowded into their small kitchen. Steve looked in their icebox and complained: "Ya'll aint got no chocolate cake!"

"You ate it all last night," Ponyboy answered, raising his eyebrows. "Don't complain if it's your own fault, Randle."

"Don't mouth me boy. So whaddyare we havin'?"

"Macaroni." Ponyboy answered, looking for the food coloring. "Soda's gonna make a new invention. Real popular, I'll bet."

"Everything I do is popular!" sassed Soda. I grinned, and perched on a chair, watching them bicker and get out the noodles and cheese and water.

But the hot water all spilled on Two-Bit's feet before it boiled. "Ow, damn! Lord have mercy, Sodapop, tell me how you gonna mess up boiling water?"

Everyone roared with laughter. Darry came out of his room, shirtless and in plain old shorts, scratching his chin. "Woke me up pretty early, didn't you?" he grumbled. He pulled a chair next to me. "Steve, I oughta skin you for eating the rest of the cake. I could go with some right now."

Two-Bit grabbed a beer and began drinking. "We don't have anymore of the mix. Darry, you wanna go get some?"

"How about you make yourself useful and you do it, instead of getting drunk as soon as you wake up."

"It's not a bad idea," I answered, grabbing Two-Bit's beer and swigging it down. But I nearly spit it all to kingdom come when Darry knocked me upside the head.

"Girl, what do you think you're doin'?" he demanded.

"Eatin' breakfast!" I spluttered. "What'd I do now?"

Two-Bit snatched the beer from my hands. "Aw, come on kid, don't be pickin' up my bad habits."

"Whatever." I mumbled. "I gotta go back to the Cades and call up the court lady so she knows I got home."

"I wouldn't mind havin' a lady to call up. Kathy and me aren't talkin' no more." Two-Bit mumbled, looking at me and Darry.

"Two-Bit, better shut your eyes and your mouth while you're at it. Ash, how about you come with me to the store. They got plenty of payphones. I don't think you should go to the Cade's no more."

Soda looked serious, turning away from the stove. "He's right…" he trailed off. I remembered the nervous, anxious look in Johnny's eyes. I nodded.

"Alright, Darry. You wanna go right now?"

He stood up and picked up a shirt off the ground, and pulled it on, not bothering to button it up. I realized I was still wearing his jacket. It was real warm and worn in. I stood and followed him out the door.

Now to most people, this might be odd. I figure that I could trust them though. Soda seemed real nice, and Darry offered me a night's sleep. And greaser to greaser, we took care of each other. If I needed him, he'd be there, even if I didn't know him.

"Hey, you know where I could get a job?" I asked him, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I'm real good with cars. I worked at a gas station back home, fixin' cars with my friend Case. I had to leave though, when me and Case fought some Socs who came in one day."

He looked down at me. "Yeah, Soda and Steve work there. How about school, you go?"

"Well, I aint a drop out, if that's what you mean. I don't rarely ever go, but I plan on havin' a graduation party eventually."

He nodded. "You a sophomore?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah." I answered with a grin. "I got put up a year, but then I got held back cus I don't rarely show up. I start school in a week here."

He stopped and looked at me carefully. I turned to him. He didn't ever smile. It was kinda comforting in a way. He was exactly like Charlie. "You know, Ash." He hesitated. "You'll probably be spendin' most nights at my house. The Cade's are real rough, and been worse since Johnny died."

I nodded sagely. "I figured that too. That's why I asked about that job. I figure I might as well stay a while, if you don't mind. A good bit of rent money won't hurt you none either."

He shook his head. "You aint gotta do that…" but I could tell that it'd help him out some.

"Don't even think about it. I'll be something to do when I don't wanna go to school." I grinned at him, hoping he'd flash a smile or something. He seemed too serious for his own good. Nice enough though. A real tuff guy.

"There's a DX station where Soda and Steve work. They can get you a job." He said, looking at his feet and walking.

"Where do you work?" I asked him curiously. He didn't seem to like to talk about himself. He was kind of quiet. Not like that Ponyboy. But he didn't waste words.

"I work two jobs. But mostly I roof houses."

"Is that why you're so huge?" I teased, still hoping for that grin. I wondered if it looked like Sodapop's. Soda had that heart stopping grin, and I bet Darry had just a nice a smile. "Spend all the days lifting?"

He did it: it was great. He grinned real big and real happy and his bright teeth glinted. I felt my heart pound. Ponyboy had a sweet smile, and that Soda had a smile to freeze you in your tracks. But Darry's smile made me wanna grin right back at him, until my face cracked right down the middle. I wanted to laugh for joy at his smile. Instead I punched him on the shoulder, delightedly. "So you do know how to smile!" I laughed happily. He swept me up in his arms and mocked throwing me in a dumpster.

"Nobody ever said I didn't!" he half yelled at me, the grin still on his face. He set me down and I laughed at him still. Boy, what a swell guy. Nicest smile I ever saw. "Look, here's the payphone. I'll be inside pickin' up some stuff for home."

"Alright," I answered, sticking my change into the payphone. I took the card from my back pocket and dialed Fish's number. She answered and I told her I got to the Cade's and I'd do okay.

"But isn't there anything you need?" she asked me curiously. "You packed awful light."

"Naw." I answered honestly. "Charlie handled my business. I'd give him the money and he'd get me what I need. He'll handle any loose ends until I get back home."

I could hear her breathe over the phone. "I wish you luck," she told me in her Soc voice. I hung up the phone and walked inside the store. I walked around slowly, realizing I was barefoot. I never put on my shoes before I left. That's probably why Darry had kept lookin' down. I grabbed a toy water gun from one aisle and crept around slowly until I found Darry. He was in the checkout line, and I moved up, real stealthy, towards him. Then I pressed the gun to his back "FREEZE GREASER!" I yelled. He turned around, knocking the gun out of my hands in the same movement. I stifled a laugh. He took the gun and whacked me on the head with it. "Hey Ash… go get another one of them real fast." He told me thoughtfully. "I got an idea."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I ran to grab another toy gun, quick as I could, and handed it to him. He paid for them both. I held them and he held the little brown bag of cake mix and milk and icing. The toys were tiny and cheap, and I filled them up with water outside, at a pump. "I'm hoping you're thinkin' what I am." I told him. He laughed out loud, a sharp bark of amusement.

"Sure am." He told me mischievously. "These kids need some spirit in their lives." We walked in silence, eagerly. We made it back to his house in record time. He set down the groceries outside the door, and I handed him a gun. He opened the door. "Guys? We're back!" he called. Steve came out of the kitchen.

"Finally. You got the cake?" he demanded. But before he could finish, I squirted water straight into his mouth.

He staggered back for a second in surprise, and his eyes narrowed. He walked towards me dangerously, but before he could get close, Darry and me aimed straight at him and pressed the trigger as fast as we could. Soda came out and roared with laughter. I aimed some of the water at him, too, and he shut up real quick. "Darry, I'm out of water!" I shrieked.

"Me too, kid." He couldn't stop laughing. Soda and Steve stepped closer and closer, and Darry and I shot out the door, Steve and Sodapop right on our heels.

"Best darn idea you coulda had, Darry!" I hooted, trying to catch my breath.

"It sure wasn't!" Steve yelled. "You guys'll catch it!" He and Soda laughed. I started running out of steam, but Darry was still going fast. I prayed Soda was slowing down too, but before I could turn around to check, he wrapped his arms around my waist and stopped me.

"Keep runnin', Darry!" I screeched, unable to catch my breath. I was laughin' too hard. "Steve's on your tail!" I couldn't stop laughing and I sat down next to Sodapop, in the middle of the street.

I could still see them running. I grinned up at Soda. "Whatcha gonna do to me now that you caught me, greaser!" I wagged a finger at him, but even pretending to be serious was too hard. I howled, really I did. My stomach hurt from all the laughing I was doing. Soda stared at me for a second, and started laughing too.

"Now I got you, I'm gonna… uh… you have to make the cake!"

"I can't hardly work a sandwich!" I protested. "You gotta help me, man! Unless you want ruined cake!"

"You better believe I'll help you. Don't let Pony help, he doesn't make it sweet enough." Soda said, mock serious. "A good breakfast cake has to have lotsa sugar in it. Or where will you get your energy?"

"Maybe if you went to sleep at a decent hour, you'd be awake in the mornin'." I laughed up at him. Whatta swell guy. But that was too sweet. "I bet your teeth will all fall out by the time you're twenty, you keep eating all that."

"Nup," he answered. "These pearly whites are here to stay! They wouldn't ever leave me! We're very close, as you can see," he said, flashing a bright, toothy smile.

"Not if I knock 'em out!" I threatened. Soda rolled his eyes at me in denial.

"You are a greaser gal through and through. Just remember I'm bigger than you!"

I snorted at him. "Don't get so cocky little mister. How old are you anyway? Twelve?" I mocked. His hair blew in front of his face in the wind.

"I'm older than you! I turn seventeen next week."

"So do I!"I said, delighted. "We're birthday buddies. What day?"

"Next Wednesday."

"Me too!" I stood up and dusted gravel off my pants. "Hey Soda. You work atta DX station right?"

"Yeah, I'm real good with the cars. Steve's even better though. Why?" he said. "I don't go to school. I dropped out. I figured to help with the bills."

"Could you get me a job? I'm real good with cars. I worked at a station for a while, with my buddy Case. He taught me real good."

"Sure. The boss'll letcha on. Part time or full time?"

"I figure I should prolly go to school every once in a while. Part time I guess." I answered, preoccupied. "But if I gotta work during the day, it aint no skin off my back. I like cars."

Darry was walking back over to us, dragging Steve with him. "Little man couldn't beat me! Licked him real good, didn't I, Steve?"

"You're sure in a good mood, old man," Steve grumbled. "What's got you so perky? Aside from trying to lick me…"

"Hey Steve!" Sodapop called. "Ash is gonna work at the DX."

"Sorry little missy," Steve leered at me like a carved pumpkin. "It aint no waitressing resta-raunt at the gas station."

"I mean to fix cars," I glared at him. "Just because I'm a girl don't mean nothing, Steve."

"Show me what you got little girl. Let's see if you can fix the old car in Darry's garage. Me and Soda been meaning to get around to it. Guess you can do it now."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Alright then little _man_. You got the tools I'm gonna need?"

"You bet. I will call your bluff, little girl."

"Too bad I aint bluffin, grease."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The sun was layin' its pink-orange-gold eyelashes over the sky by the time I rolled out from under that rickety old car. It was real tuff, too. The engine was a real good model, but needed some fixin' up. Real fixin', not the kind with tape and bubblegum. I aimed to fix it up nice and show that blasted Steve that I could fix a car just as good as him. Boy, did I hate people discriminatin' against me for being a girl.

"Done yet?" Ponyboy asked, looking up from a book. His nose had been stuck in that thing all day.

"Naw," I said, wiping my hands on the shirt I borrowed from Soda. I prolly had grease and oil all across my hair and face, but I didn't care. The car was close to runnin'. "Maybe in a coupla days. Doing it faster than Steve woulda. You know, I bet he pricks people's tempers on purpose."

"Steve's an okay guy." Ponyboy said in his slow, thoughtful voice, "I guess he is a little rough sometimes. But he's a good friend."

"Guess so, since he's getting me the job I need." I replied, putting the tools back in the big tin box and lugging it back over to its shelf. I sat on the porch with Pony and looked at what he was reading. "Gone with the wind? Is it good?"

He nodded slowly, not looking at me. I'd bet he was thinking of Johnny. I wished real hard that I knew Johnny. I bet he was real swell. And I'd know what to say now. But I didn't need to say anything, cause Pony finally replied: "Yeah. It's my favorite book. Johnny liked it too. I've read it twice already."

I hesitated. "Did you hear me talkin' about why I don't usually go to school?"

He shrugged, and looked at me with gorgeous green eyes.

"Well… I'm a real whiz at math, for sure. But I can't read letters. There's a doctor term for it. I can't see letters right. I can read okay… but it takes me a real slow long time. Nobody knows about it."

He looked at me. "Do you want me to read this too you?"

I met his eyes. "I'd like that a whole lot, actually. Could you, please?"

He didn't even look at the book when he answered. "Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were…"

The way his mouth rounded out the words made me wanna fall asleep. It was like silk and leather coming from his lips insteada words. I laid back on the porch and listened to him continue until he finished the chapter.

I sat up. The sun was nearly down, and the sky was velvet.

"Tell me about you." Ponyboy said suddenly. "What's it like bein' in Big Red's gang?"

I thought about it for a coupla minutes. "To me, Big Red is Charlie." I said slowly. "I never did think of him as that. He's two people, really. He's Big Red and he's Charlie. Charlie is real serious, keeps his mouth shut unless he got something to say. He laughs a lot though, and he's like a big brother to me. He's overprotective of me, and tries too hard to keep me outta trouble."

He nodded slowly. "That's like Darry. I used to think Darry was cold. After mom and dad died, he got real serious, too fast. He grew up too early. He's only twenty, and he doesn't seem it at all.

"You been makin' him smile. Him and Soda haven't laughed as much since you came around. Soda is always doin' crazy things when he meets new people. He's real friendly. Darry… he doesn't laugh much, or even smile. He works a lot. He's real strict on me. He's tougher than our parents were."

"Charlie was way rougher than my own pa ever was," I replied. I shivered a little. I was only wearing Sodapop's shirt. "My pa paid the bills and dropped off food every once in a while, but I don't think I saw him more'n twice a year. Charlie sometimes helped him with work. Charlie knew him a lot better than I ever did. My pa loved me an all, I guess. But he just didn't care. A good guy an all, but I wasn't his first priority."

"I guess I am Darry's… me and Soda. He's real smart. He coulda gone to college when my parents died, sent me and Soda off to homes. But he stayed. He works two jobs, six days a week, sometimes seven. He nags about homework and cooks dinner… Soda dropped out of school to help pay the bills. He says it's cause he's dumb… but I sometimes think it's my fault. I think maybe if it weren't for me, they'd both be okay."

I wrapped my arm around him. "It isn't. They love you, that's all. Jimmy told me that if you love somebody, you gotta make sacrifices. It may hurt, but you love them enough to put them first. You'd do the same thing, wouldn't you, Pony?"

He looked at me. "I guess I would." He replied slowly. "You know, I would in an instant. We fight a lot… but Darry and Soda are my brothers. I love them."

I nodded and stood up. "Come on. I gotta get clean. Mind if I use your shower? I don't think the Cades care if I'm gone."

"Sure, Darry don't give a hang." He said. "Schools tomorrow. You gonna go?"

"I dunno if I'm registered. I'm supposed to show up."

"Aw, Darry'll register you when he gets offa work." Ponyboy answered. "Soda can take you to the DX tomorrow."

"I guess I do need to get a job as soon as possible. I'm thinkin' I'm gonna pay rent to Darry. He's lettin' me sleep here, and drink his beer. It's the least I can do."

"Hey guys, come on in!" Darry yelled. "We're havin' some more of that breakfast Soda made!"

We stepped inside and it smelled so good. You wouldn'ta thought that there was anything weird about it, you know. It seemed regular. Steve and Two-bit were still bumming on the couch, drinking beer. Soda was in the shower. I hoped he didn't use up the hot water. I'm filthy.

"Look at you!" Steve hooted when he saw me. "Two-Bit, turn off Mickey and check out the mess on this girl!"

Two-Bit turned up and smirked. "Well, I betcha you walk in the DX like that and they'll hire you on the spot. You look like Sodapop did when Steve dumped the dirty oil all over him. You're like a slave. Hey, go get me a beer will ya, slave?"

"That's so rude!" I spluttered. "I could whip you, black, white, or Soc. Wanna try it Steve?" I pulled off the shirt I borrowed from Soda, and put it in the basket of dirty clothes. Steve snorted at me. But it was Two-Bit that made him fight back.

"Come on, Steve. Afraid of losin' to a scrawny little girl?"

Steve stood up and ran for me. Two-Bit and Pony pulled the table outta the way when we dropped to the floor.

He had me pinned in seconds, but he forgot how small I was. I slipped from under his arm and threw myself on top of his back, wrapping my elbow around his waist. "Uncle!" I yelled in his ear. "Say Uncle!"

"Naw, little girl. I guess I don't need to go easy on you." He grunted and bucked me offa him. He picked me up, upside down and shook me.

"Yeah, let's take her lunch money, why don't we?" hooted Two-Bit. "Hey Ash, say something!"

"Somethin'," I tried to say dryly, but with Steve bouncin' me around it sounded like "Su-u-u-m-thi-nnn."

"Hey boys, stop foolin' around. I'll eat your dinner if ya'll don't come in." Steve turned me upside-right and let me go.

"How about you just kick them out insteada lettin' them mooch around here?" Ponyboy complained.

"Yeah, you boys stick around any longer and I'll make you pay rent!" Darry shouted.

"How am I supposed to pay rent?" Two-Bit demanded.

"Iunno, maybe get a job?" Soda offered, stepping out of the bathroom in nothin' but a pair of pants.

Darry rolled his eyes. "How about you guy put some clothes on, little buddy. And Ash, how about you go take a shower next. You aint sitting in my chairs with all that grease on you."

"She's a better greaser than any of us right about now," Two-Bit grinned. "Topped us all!"

"Hey, I may be greasy, but I aint no slime-ball!" I mocked. "So I'm still better'n you, Two-Bit!"

I ran into the shower and turned on the faucet before he could reply, but I heard Sodapop and Steve laughin' at him. Sodapop hadn't used all the water. I was real grateful. Whatta nice kid, man.

I scrubbed myself down with soap and washed my hair the best I could. I hopped out faster than Sodapop. I wiped all the leftover grease from the floor. Didn't need to make it rougher for the boys.

Well damn. I left my clothes out under the couch. I picked up my dirty jeans and shirt and wrapped myself in a towel. I tossed them in the basket and pulled on some pants.

"Look at the girl!" Two-Bit hooted. "Puttin' on a show?"

"Naw," I grinned impishly. "Puttin' on some clothes! Maybe if you had manners you'd get dinner and a show, you bum."

"You've made me consider getting a job for the first time in my whole life." he mocked, kneeling and clasping his hands. "If I _think_ about a job, do I get a peek?"

"Naw, but you can put this in the laundry basket," I said, throwing the towel at him and pulling on a shirt. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer and some macaroni. It may have been a weird color, but it sure tasted real good.

"I've told you once, lay off the beer. You're too young," Darry told me, taking it right outta my hand. "You'll be toothless and fat before you're thirty, you keep drinkin."

"I think I can stand to gain a coupla pounds, Darry." I rolled my eyes. "I'm not worried about my teeth. I brush 'em and don't use 'em as bottle openers like Two-Bit." I shoveled a few bites and dumped the rest of my plate onto Sodapop's. "Real good."

"You can eat, come on," Sodapop said, scooting his plate towards me.

"I'm full." I told him honestly. "That stuff is filling."

"That's all you ate today!" Ponyboy protested.

I rubbed my stomach. "It's a food baby. Mac is the father," I joked.

"I knew you were a noodle slut!" Two-Bit yelled from the couch.

Everyone busted up laughing, of course, except Darry.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I stared at Darry real hard. He was only twenty years old. He was three years older than me. He ate slowly, one bite at a time. He even _ate_ thoughtfully.

What did I know about this kid?

I knew that Darry had a smile like sudden sunshine, real pretty. Maybe even beautiful. I knew he was rarely excitable. I knew he worked too hard, and was smart: Pony said he coulda gone to any college. He loved his brothers, more than anything. Jeez. He was an all around tuff guy. Maybe too serious though.

"Hey Darry," Ponyboy said. "Could you sign her up for school tomorrow? She's goin' to apply for a job at the DX with Soda tomorrow."

"Yeah, I don't think the Cades'd sign you up." Darry said. "Sure, I'll drop by the school after work. I thought you were already signed up, Ash?"

"I'm not registered. I'm pulse to go though," I said, crossing my legs in my chair and leaning forward. "My grades are switched. They just dunno where I live."

"I'll sign you up for here," Darry decided. "I doubt the Cades are gonna even notice you gone."

Steve answered through a mouthful of food. "Damn right. You're a good guy, Muscles."

Darry shook his fork at him. "Don't test me, little guy."

"It was a compliment," Steve grinned. "Hey, I got to get going. I'm takin' Evie out tonight. Later guys," he said, walking out the door.

"Hey, speakin' of girls, how's Kathy, Two-Bit?" Soda called. Two-Bit tore himself away from the TV.

"Well damn! I'm supposed to go meet her! Mickey got me distracted." He ran out the door, and we heard the vrrm of his engine.

I laughed. "Those are two crazy fellers." I observed. "I bet they'd lose their own heads if they weren't screwed on."

Ponyboy nodded. "Two-Bit probably has lost his head a couple of times. He's a crazy guy if I ever met one."

"He needs a job," Darry observed. "Somethin' to settle him down. But at least he's in school."

"Steve's doin' both," Sodapop seemed a little ashamed.

"Don't even worry about it," Pony said fiercely. "You're the best guy I ever known, Soda. You just do what makes you happy. That's what you deserve. It's not a shame or anything."

I wanted to crawl away. This was personal. I didn't wanna be in this. It wasn't none of my business.

"Here, how about I take you to the school right now," Darry said finally. "They're still open. It's not too late. It's daylight savings."

For all the darkness, I thought it was nine o clock. But it was really only five. "Sure," I said, pulling on my jacket. Darry put his dish in the sink.

"Pony, you clean up. Soda, you get started on the laundry. I'll iron your stuff later." Darry said, pulling on his coat. I followed him out the door. Golly, he sure was huge.

I threw myself in the car. It was higher than it looked. I curled myself into shotgun and watched his arm muscles twist when he did the simplest things, like put the key in, or turn the wheel.

"Jeez," I said, wide-eyed. "You're built. You're the biggest man I ever seen, and that's the truth!"

He took a glimpse at me, and turned back towards the road. "You're the smallest woman I've ever seen, and that's the truth too," he said, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. Encouraged, I kept talking. I could get to like a guy like this.

"Well, at least I'm a woman. Everybody else calls me a girl. My birthday's next week, you know." I told him. "Same day as Sodapop's."

"Well, happy early birthday," he mused. His hair was real short, like Case's. I liked that.

"When's your birthday, Superman?" I pressed him. I just felt the urge to know more. I wanted more of him.

"October twentieth," he said. It was December now.

"Real nice. So you're just barely a man, am I right?"

He looked at me. I suddenly realized how scrawny I really was. He almost let the smile come, almost. "If I'm not a man, you're sure not a woman, Ash. Hey, what's your name? Your full name."

I sighed, long-sufferin'ly. "Jennifer Celeste Ashton. Please don't tell."

He busted out into laughter. "Jennifer Celeste? How'd a girl as feisty as you get a name like Ash? Sounds like a cigarette smoking, drag racing greaser name."

I hid my face in my hands, choking back a laugh. "My name never did suit me. When I was a little kid, my first word was 'tuff'."

He really did let out one of those smiles. "Mine was 'mama'." He offered.

I choked a laugh back. "You know, you have a great smile. You gotta smile more, Dare. You'd be a real lady-killer."

"Killin' ladies isn't my problem," he joked. "It's the keeping them around, that's the problem."

I punched him on the shoulder. "Aw come on, Dare. Since I'm sleepin at your house, I'll pay some rent. Maybe then you can take a day or two off on workin', meet some ladies!"

He seemed thoughtful. "I know a girl I want… but it'd never work. Not ever. She'd never be my girl. Hell, I haven't had a girl… since my parents died."

I softened. "I'm sure that's not true. Look at me, Darry. You're givin' me a place to stay, getting me to school, and your brother's getting' me a job. You're the coolest guy I ever did meet, and I mean it true." I was real earnest now. "You are raisin' your two brothers, and if they aren't some swell guys, iunno who would be. You're a real hero, Superman," I looked at him. He waited at the red light, the car idled. I grabbed his free hand and squeezed it.

He looked down at my two hands. I was a lot paler than him, and smaller too. I didn't usually think I was a girly, but my hands looked like a princess's next to him. They were hard and dark, with light dustings of hair on his knuckles. And huge. If I held my hand up to his, I doubted I'd be able to reach the middle of his fingers.

"Thanks, Ash."

"You know, Ponyboy said he used to think your eyes were cold, like blue ice. But he was real wrong. Your eyes are like, an ocean or somethin'. The ocean never stops working. It's tough and unstoppable. That's what you're like man, really."

He looked startled. The light flashed green and he hit the gas.

"You know Ash," he said. "I'm glad Soda grabbed you off the street."

"You know, Mister Curtis, I'm glad you let me use your shower. I don't like takin' being a grease girl too literal, if you know what I mean." I winked.

He smiled, and my heart started thumping fast.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Fuckin' damn. Why'd you sign me up for the hard math class?" I complained. "That's work!"

"I heard you tell Pony about you being good at math." He said softly. My ears went red. "Yeah, I know. Dysgraphia. I had a buddy who had something similar." The parking lot was quiet. I felt shame, burning my face. I was dumb. I was dumb and stupid. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I tried to bite them back but it didn't work. Some dripped down. Darry saw, and he hugged me, close to him. I buried my face in my shirt.

"I'm an idiot." I wailed, still trying to fight the tears, embarrassed by my stupidity. I couldn't read, and I had to cry in front of this man. It was awful.

He rubbed my back, gentle. My tears felt hot. They got all over his shirt. "No, you aren't. It isn't your fault. You can't help it any more than I can help being tall."

"Being tall isn't a bad thing…" I mumbled, choking back an embarrassed sob. "Being dumb is. I'm stupid. I can't even read. Elementary schoolers read better than me."

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm too big…" Darry said. "You aren't dumb. You're smart and clever and you have a faster wit than Two-Bit."

"There isn't any such thing as 'too big'," I replied, looking up at him. Lord, he was gigantic. I got a crick in my neck just lookin' at him. "You can fight people off easy, do anything you need to do. I gotta carry a knife for bluff. I gotta worry about getting jumped, about being too short for things, about stuff not fitting me right. That shirt Soda gave me fit like a dress."

Darry laughed, and his white grin looked brighter than the moon. "Tell you what. Next time you need something, I'll help you out."

"Gee, thanks," I mumbled. "So glad to have my own personal ladder."

"Come on. Wanna get some ice cream? We don't have to tell Pony or Soda."

"Well aren't you spoilin' me!" I said in surprise. "You give me a couch to sleep on, a meal, and now ice cream!"

He grinned. "It's not every day a woman moves into my house," he turned up his lips. "Besides, you're fixin' the car. Steve and Soda never could figure out what was wrong with it."

I snorted. "Nothin' complicated. Steve's prolly better at makin' things pretty than makin' them work. It'll be ugly, but the car'll run."

"That's all I need. Do you drive?"

"Charlie and Jimmy were teaching me to drive. Didn't quite get the knack of it 'fore I had to leave. They said they'd visit though."

"Who's Jimmy?" he asked. "Another gang member?"

"I was his girl for a while," I explained. "I broke up with him when I figured out I didn't love him. He's a real tuff guy though. Still let me drive his car and let me in his house and everything. Real good to me. He took the breakup real well."

Darry nodded quietly. "How about you take us to the ice cream shop? It's not too far. Dairy Queen is right a couple of blocks down. Come on, kiddo. Hop in the car."

I got in on the driver's side. Darry reminded me how to use the breaks and gas, and the shift. While I was driving, something occurred to me. "Darry?" I asked hesitantly. "Could you… you wanna tell me about Johnny?"

Darry's eyes closed in pain. "Of course… just, gimmie a second." He said roughly. I waited, and pulled over, watching him. "Johnny… Johnny was real quiet. That kid made Ponyboy look like a chatterbox. He smoked a pack a day, and he was real dark, and small. He looked like someone who had gotten hit and hurt, too many times.

"He had a scar on his cheek, from getting jumped by greasers. It was the only time I ever saw him cry. He got whipped by his father and kicked out by his mother, and he never shed a tear. He would sleep in the fields sometimes, because he felt bad about always being in our house." He paused, and turned away from me.

"Johnny and Pony were best friends. But Dally and Johnny were thick was thieves. The night Johnny died, Dally went nuts. He robbed a store, and we watched him get shot down by the police. He called us… told us to meet him at the park. I think he wanted to die. I think he just wanted us there while he died… because we loved Johnny too."

He sighed, shakily. "You know, one night I had nightmares, awful ones, about the day my parents died. About how I could've lost Soda and Pony. I got outta bed one night, and he was sitting there on the couch, wide awake. And you know what he said? 'Good things happen to good people, Dare. You'll get what you deserve one day. For a guy who's had so much unhappiness, you're gonna be the happiest guy on earth'. What did Johnny get? An editorial in the paper? Johnny lived, hurting, and he died that way too. If it had been me, or Steve, or Dally himself, everyone coulda got along just fine. But Johnny… we all broke a little. Soda used to be the craziest, happiest kid you've ever seen. He's a shadow of what he used to be. Steve's even colder than he was, works harder and longer, does better in school. Pony's even more silent than he was. He's cutting down on cigarettes, because they remind him of Johnny and Dally. Two-Bit drinks himself into a stupor whenever he can."

"What about you, Darry?" I asked quietly, turning off the engine and putting my hand on his knee. He looked at me, and his eyes glowed, bright with tears, and some kinda inner light.

"I'm still waiting for that great happiness… Johnny never broke his promises. So I'm just waiting."

"You can't wait forever, Darry." I told him. "Sometimes you gotta to do it yourself. Grab life by its balls."

He leaned towards me, and my breath caught. I was leaping inside my skin. He rested his forehead against mine.

"You remind me of what Johnny could have been. The guys all love you already. Even Pony. You're what Johnny would've been if he hadn't been hurt so much."

A thought nearly made it past my mouth before I stopped it: You're who I would've loved, if I hadn't come too late. Two years, two deaths, and two jobs too late.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Why don't you wear your own damn clothes?" Ponyboy complained. His brow was furred, and I grinned at him. "You're gonna get it all messy when you get to the DX!"

"Don't worry, I'll take it off. But I don't think any of my shirts'd make too good a impression, you dig?"

"Do you have any shirts besides ripped ones?" he asked. "I don't think you'll do too good when it starts snowin'."

I shrugged. "I guess not. I got my jacket to wear. Don't worry 'bout me, I don't mind wearin' your clothin'. I trust you to be clean."

A horn beeped outside, long an loud. Ponyboy glanced up and grabbed his schoolbag. It was small. I figgered he didn't worry about school work that much. "Fine," he said sourly. "I'll see you later."

"Wait, Pony! Where'd Darry put my jeans?" hollered Soda, running out in his boxers and a shirt. His socks were hangin' from the waistband of his boxers and I shouted at him delightedly. That kid was a _real_ hoot. For sure.

"Me and Darry ironed 'em," Pony shouted back at us, closing the screen door with a clatter. "Check his closet!"

Sodapop dashed to Darry's room. "Where?" he demanded.

"Hate to break it to you, bud. But there's a law that says ya gotta wear clothes to work." Steve grinned, walking in.

"Go to school, Steve." I rolled my eyes at him. He made a fist. "Think you're tuff? Well, you aren't. Go on, git on outta here! Pony's waiting!"

"Hey, Soda!" Steve yelled, walking out. "Remember to tell Jakey that I switched shifts with Chaser!"

"Got it!" Soda yelled back. "Ash, come in here and help me find a pair of god-darned pants!"

I walked into Darry's room. He didn't have much furnitures, 'cept a real big bed. Comfy-lookin', too. An old lookin' wardrobe was in a corner. I pulled open a drawer and threw a pair of pants at Soda. "Can we get goin' now? You're gonna make us late. Not a too good impression," I grinned. He pulled on the pants.

"Where'd my socks go?" he demanded, swirling in circles, looking for them. He ran out the room, and checked the bathroom. I busted out laughing.

"Soda, check your pants!"

"Thanks!" he hollered. "You ready? Let's go!"

"Remember SHOES, Soda!" I yelled. "Don't be tryna go to work bare footed!"

Another clatter, and he ran into his room and pulled on some shoes. "Okay, now for sure I'm ready!"

I closed the door to Darry's room, and closed the door to the house. I followed Soda down the street. "Usually Darry'll give me a ride, but he had to leave early this mornin'. Extra pay helps everybody out. I sure hope he don't pull a muscle though. He always does that."

"Your brother's a real tuff guy," I answered, trying to keep up with his bouncin'. "I sure owe him a whole lot. He's doin' a real good thing for me."

Sodapop nodded seriously. "Dare's always been like that. He does good for other people. You know…" he said quietly, "I had a horse once. Not mine, but I worked at a stable. His name was Mickey Mouse, and I loved that ornery horse more than anything, and he loved me too. But they had to get rid of him. The night they took him away, I cried myself to sleep. And I slept for hours. And when I woke up, I was in Darry's lap. He'd rocked me all night, like I were a justa kid." Soda looked at me, an enormous grin rounding his face out.

You know, that Sodapop was prolly the most handsomest boy I'd ever seen. Really and truly. That whole Curtis family was filled to the brim with good looks. Even ol' Ponyboy was a looker, and he was only fourteen years old.

Sodapop started doing walking handstands and I laughed. He walked all the way to the DX just like that. He's crazy, I swear.

When we got in fronta the station, Soda started explaining everything to me. "Okay, so I'm the first guy here today. I'll vouch for you, so you can start right away. We'll just tell Jakey, the boss, that you'll be here. We gotta unlock the garage. The gas is open 24/7. The car fixin's are all around the shelves. If you need to know where anything is, just ask. There's a register over there," he pointed. "Alls you gotta do is plug in what you did for them, and it gives you a price. They sign it and you toss it in the bucket, and they give you the money. That's all. You won't be workin' the full shift, but when ya do, alls you gotta do is clean up and lock up, and you're done."

I nodded. Sounded just like my old job. "Customers won't prolly come in for at least an hour. You wanna play cards?" he asked impishly. "I sure do play a mean hand of poker."

I'm awful at poker, I really am. I don't have a poker face. Sodapop beat me three times in a row.

"How about we add stakes?" he grinned at me. That imp. He was tryna get something outta me. "Every time I win, I ask a question. Every time you do, you can."

I won the next hand. "Alright, Sodapop Curtis, lemme think. What can I ask… hmm." Soda squirmed. I grinned at him. "Don't like losin' too much, do you little buddy?" I mocked him.

"You'ra hustler!" he busted out laughing.

"Naw, just real lucky." I smirked at him. It really was luck. But if he wanted to believe that I was good, I wouldn't change his mind. "So how about this, Sodapop… Who… Who's Sandy?"

Soda got real quiet, real fast, I swear. It's like the light left his eyes. "Sandy… she was small, and blonde, like you. A lot greasier, but a lot girlier, though. She had the prettiest blue eyes a guy could ever see. She was quiet. Not like you. You don't need to fill up silence, but you know how to talk. Sandy didn't know how to shut up. I guess we had that much in common. I loved bein' around her. I was gonna marry her. But…" his eyes hardened. "She got herself knocked him and moved to Florida. It wasn't me."

I put my hand on his. "Soda…"

The light came back into his smile, but his eyes stayed the same, hard. "Come on," he laughed. The sound was kinda hollow. "Tryna cheat, take a peek at my cards?"

I looked at him, real serious. "Soda, you don't always have to be happy."

"I am happy!" he protested.

"I know. But everybody gets sad sometimes, Sodapop. You don't always gotta be the one who gotta be upbeat. You hold a lot more on your shoulders than you let on."

He sagged, proving my point. "I am happy… most of the time." He said dully. "But when I think about her, I get so sad. Or when I think about mom and dad. Or that week that Pony and Johnny were gone. I was a real bawl-baby that week. Cried every night. Sandy and Pony, both gone in a week." He grinned, bitterly.

I picked up his hand and squeezed it real tight. "You'ra real tuff guy, Soda. Swell to the soul. You're probably the handsomest, nicest boy I ever did meet. And if that fool girl didn't realize it, then it's her loss."

"I loved her. I think I did." He looked up, his eyes shining with tears. "How can you love somebody who didn't love you back, ever?"

I crawled over and scratched his back, like I figured Charlie'd do to me. I used my nails to rub up and down his spine and shoulders. I felt so bad for bringing it up. "Sometimes your heart takes you places you shouldn't go. T'aint the first time somebody's had unrequited love."

"What about you, Ash?" he asked curiously. "You ever had a guy in your life?" he sniffed, and wiped off the tears. He wasn't sad anymore. He was genuinely interested in what I had to say. Tuff enough.

"Yeah, a boy back home, Jimmy. He was real swell. He was gentle when we did it, a hard worker, smart, and he was an all around tuff guy. But I broke it off with him, cus I figgered I didn't love him." I stopped myself and frowned. Did he feel the way Soda did about Sandy? "He took it real well, and we stayed real good buddies. So I dunno how he feels 'bout me."

Soda wrapped his arm around my shoulder an I looked up. The ceiling was kinda crusty.

"You're real great, Ash." He said seriously. But then he smiled at me. "How 'bout another hand of poker?"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 5

I ran to grab another toy gun, quick as I could, and handed it to him. He paid for them both. I held them and he held the little brown bag of cake mix and milk and icing. The toys were tiny and cheap, and I filled them up with water outside, at a pump. "I'm hoping you're thinkin' what I am." I told him. He laughed out loud, a sharp bark of amusement.

"Sure am." He told me mischievously. "These kids need some spirit in their lives." We walked in silence, eagerly. We made it back to his house in record time. He set down the groceries outside the door, and I handed him a gun. He opened the door. "Guys? We're back!" he called. Steve came out of the kitchen.

"Finally. You got the cake?" he demanded. But before he could finish, I squirted water straight into his mouth.

He staggered back for a second in surprise, and his eyes narrowed. He walked towards me dangerously, but before he could get close, Darry and me aimed straight at him and pressed the trigger as fast as we could. Soda came out and roared with laughter. I aimed some of the water at him, too, and he shut up real quick. "Darry, I'm out of water!" I shrieked.

"Me too, kid." He couldn't stop laughing. Soda and Steve stepped closer and closer, and Darry and I shot out the door, Steve and Sodapop right on our heels.

"Best darn idea you coulda had, Darry!" I hooted, trying to catch my breath.

"It sure wasn't!" Steve yelled. "You guys'll catch it!" He and Soda laughed. I started running out of steam, but Darry was still going fast. I prayed Soda was slowing down too, but before I could turn around to check, he wrapped his arms around my waist and stopped me.

"Keep runnin', Darry!" I screeched, unable to catch my breath. I was laughin' too hard. "Steve's on your tail!" I couldn't stop laughing and I sat down next to Sodapop, in the middle of the street.

I could still see them running. I grinned up at Soda. "Whatcha gonna do to me now that you caught me, greaser!" I wagged a finger at him, but even pretending to be serious was too hard. I howled, really I did. My stomach hurt from all the laughing I was doing. Soda stared at me for a second, and started laughing too.

"Now I got you, I'm gonna… uh… you have to make the cake!"

"I can't hardly work a sandwich!" I protested. "You gotta help me, man! Unless you want ruined cake!"

"You better believe I'll help you. Don't let Pony help, he doesn't make it sweet enough." Soda said, mock serious. "A good breakfast cake has to have lotsa sugar in it. Or where will you get your energy?"

"Maybe if you went to sleep at a decent hour, you'd be awake in the mornin'." I laughed up at him. Whatta swell guy. But that was too sweet. "I bet your teeth will all fall out by the time you're twenty, you keep eating all that."

"Nup," he answered. "These pearly whites are here to stay! They wouldn't ever leave me! We're very close, as you can see," he said, flashing a bright, toothy smile.

"Not if I knock 'em out!" I threatened. Soda rolled his eyes at me in denial.

"You are a greaser gal through and through. Just remember I'm bigger than you!"

I snorted at him. "Don't get so cocky little mister. How old are you anyway? Twelve?" I mocked. His hair blew in front of his face in the wind.

"I'm older than you! I turn seventeen next week."

"So do I!"I said, delighted. "We're birthday buddies. What day?"

"Next Wednesday."

"Me too!" I stood up and dusted gravel off my pants. "Hey Soda. You work atta DX station right?"

"Yeah, I'm real good with the cars. Steve's even better though. Why?" he said. "I don't go to school. I dropped out. I figured to help with the bills."

"Could you get me a job? I'm real good with cars. I worked at a station for a while, with my buddy Case. He taught me real good."

"Sure. The boss'll letcha on. Part time or full time?"

"I figure I should prolly go to school every once in a while. Part time I guess." I answered, preoccupied. "But if I gotta work during the day, it aint no skin off my back. I like cars."

Darry was walking back over to us, dragging Steve with him. "Little man couldn't beat me! Licked him real good, didn't I, Steve?"

"You're sure in a good mood, old man," Steve grumbled. "What's got you so perky? Aside from trying to lick me…"

"Hey Steve!" Sodapop called. "Ash is gonna work at the DX."

"Sorry little missy," Steve leered at me like a carved pumpkin. "It aint no waitressing resta-raunt at the gas station."

"I mean to fix cars," I glared at him. "Just because I'm a girl don't mean nothing, Steve."

"Show me what you got little girl. Let's see if you can fix the old car in Darry's garage. Me and Soda been meaning to get around to it. Guess you can do it now."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Alright then little _man_. You got the tools I'm gonna need?"

"You bet. I will call your bluff, little girl."

"Too bad I aint bluffin, grease."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It was late when Soda and Darry got home. Me and Pony watched the sunset together, and I made baked chicken. He told me he loved baked chicken. I had to make a whole lot for the guys though. I made mashed potatoes too. When we all sat down to eat, the first thing Soda did was spread grape jelly all over his mashed potatoes. It made me feel a little sick.

I took a couple bites of chicken, and dumped the rest of my plate onto Darry's.

"So, Ash." He said briskly. "How was your first day at the shop?"

"She did good," Soda answered for me. "Real good. Jakey's drawin' her up a schedule to work around school."

I snorted at Darry. "I can't believe you guys are making me go."

He raised an eyebrow at me. I think they all learned the habit from Two-Bit. "Little missy, you live under this roof, you go to school."

"No fair!" I wailed. "Soda aint going!"

"You aint my kid brother. I gotta take good care of ya. The fuzz catch wind that you aint with the Cades, you're liable to get stuck in a home. So are Soda and Pony, for that matter."

I shut up. I didn't wanna get them in trouble. They'd been doin' so much for me, and they hardly knew me. But I guess I'd gotten to know them well in just a coupla days. It was amazing how they grew on me. I figured I grew on them too.

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled.

"I'll show you around the place," Pony said with a slurp of pepsi. I nodded, appreciative.

"Real tuff of ya, Pony. Thanks."

I stood up and picked up their huge basket of dirty clothes. They had a washer, but used clothesline to dry all the stuff out. I stuck them in the washer and poured soap in. The machine rumbled on.

I swiped a cigarette from Pony and smoked it outside. It was cold, real cold. It'd probably start snowing soon. "Hey Ash!" Darry called. I put out the cigarette and came inside.

"You sure you aint hungry? This is all you've eaten today," Sodapop said, concerned.

"Yeah," I answered. It was probably unhealthy, but food was gross. I knew I was too scrawny.

"Is there anything you like to eat?" Darry asked.

I thought about it. It actually took a while for me to come up with my answer. "I like baloney." I said finally, nodding.

"Really?" Ponyboy asked quietly. "I hate baloney."

I stared at him. I felt like I was hitting a sore spot. "Yeah…" I said.

"Johnny liked it too." He answered finally. I guess me and Johnny were more alike than I'd ever know. I sure wish I'da met him…

"Okay," Darry said firmly. "I want you guys in bed before eleven."

"Where you going, Dare?" Sodapop asked. "Gotta date?"

Darry nodded slowly. Then he laughed out loud. "I sure do!" he grinned, real huge. "Name's Annie. She lives outside of town. Not a greasy girl. A real one." he grinned at us all. "I'm takin her to the Nightly Double… in the car."

Soda stood up and punched his older brother, a delighted grin on his face. "Darry, that's great!" he laughed, doing a cartwheel into the TV room. He clapped. "Where'd you meet her?"

"It's a blind date," Darry admitted. "A few guys from work decided I'd needed to live a little."

"You do," I said. "You work too hard. Go take a shower! I'll pick out the clothes you're gonna wear. What movie are you seeing?"

"Hell if I know," Darry shrugged. "I hate movies. But I hate restaurant food worse. I guess if she wants to go, we'll go. If not, I'll take her somewhere else."

"Besides, if you get bored, you can always distract yourself!" Soda laughed triumphantly. I pulled Darry out of his chair eagerly.

"Come on!" I shrieked. "Get up! You're too big for me to pull! Up!" he stood up, laughing, and I pushed him towards the shower. "Get in!" I laughed. He stood, refusing to move, and I pushed as hard as I could. "Pony, Soda! Help me out! He gotta get clean for his date tonight!"

Roaring with laughter, Soda stood up and helped me push Darry into the bathroom. He stood straight, and kept his arms crossed the entire time, refusing to help us. He slid across the floor, and when we got him to the bathroom, Pony turned on the water and I stood on the toilet, so I was eye-level with them. "Get in, Darry!" I commanded, unable to keep a straight face. He turned towards me and stepped into the shower, clothes and all.

I shrieked with laughter until I fell off the toilet. Pony catched me, but I couldn't stop laughing. He put in shampoo and it dripped down onto his clothes, and rubbed soap onto his shirtsleeves. Sodapop jumped in the shower next, and pretended to wash Darry's back, miming the motion.

You know, I aint laughed like that in ages. Since before my mom died. I laughed so hard it hurt. Pony held me up while the tears streamed from my eyes. Jeez, I couldn't stop shaking. It was the funniest thing ever.

When Soda had washed all the grease out of his hair, and Darry had taken off his shirt and wrung it out, they turned off the water. He took his shirt and twisted it up, then started whipping me and Pony. It hit me, and it hurt like a mother, but I still couldn't stop laughing. Pony hefted me all the way up over his shoulder, and darted straight outta the room as if the fuzz were comin' for him. I screeched with laughter as Darry chased after us. "Get dressed!" I hollered, bouncing up and down on Pony's shoulder. "Geddim, Soda!"

Sodapop ran up and jumped on Darry's back, whooping like an Indian. He had a dry shirt in his hands, and stuffed it over Darry's neck. "Come on, Muscles! Get a shirt on! Your sexy date's awaitin'!"

Ponyboy tossed me on a couch and I held my stomach, still laughing. Darry went into his room to change, and I finally caught my breath. "You know," I said, waving smoke from Pony's cigarette away from my face. "We never did make that cake."

Soda cheered. "Here, we gotta clean the kitchen first."

Golly, that kid is gold. Him and Pony and Darry are all pure gold. Darry waved at us and ran out, reminding us to be in bed before eleven. It's almost seven now. We got plenty of time.

I swept up while Pony and Soda did the dishes and put the food away. Ponyboy rubbed his mouth. "It hurts from smiling," he said, still smiling.

"It's nice to see you and Dare gettin' along like that." Soda said seriously. "He does get you, you know. Darry likes sports and school, same as you. He's just a little harder. Don't judge him too bad."

Ponyboy kicked his feet. He was fourteen years old. I looked up at him. He had at least seven inches on me, and Soda, more'n a foot. Darry had probably a foot and a halfa foot on me. These people were enormous. "I guess." Was all he said.

Soda continued: "Aww, come on, kid. Cheer up. Things'll get better eventually. It may seem rough now…"

"I'm trying to quit smoking," Pony said instead. Soda clapped him on the back. "I need to get back into track. Darry figures I could get a scholarship."

"Darry just wants you to have the future he couldn't, Pone. He's got high expectations for you." He pulled the cake batter from the cabinents an got the ingredients ready. I clambered onto the counter and pulled out a giant mixing bowl.

Pony suddenly looked angry. "He let you drop out! Why's he always gotta be on me!" he exclaimed, pulling down a chair and resting his head.

"Come on, Ponyboy," Sodapop pleaded. "It aint nothing! I'm dumb, Pony, don't compare yourself to me… I'm happy workin' at a DX station. You got better things! You can go to college, and be a writer, or be a runner, or anything you ever wanna do!"

"I'll never measure up," he slumped.

"You're more like Darry than you'll ever know, kiddo." I said softly. "He loves you a whole lot. He wants the best for you guys."

I hold my hand up against Soda's and Pony's. Soda's fingers are long and thin, and graceful. Like he could be a, a artist, or a… maybe a piano player. But they're rough too, the skin calloused. He has the same light hair on his knuckles as his brother. Pony's fingers are like a miniature replica of Darry's. His hands are a little softer, his nails a little finer, but other'n that, they could be twins.

Ponyboy thinks he's the one who doesn't belong, but really it's Sodapop. Darry and Pony are playing tug-of-war with him always in the middle. He's not studious or athletic, he's carefree and sensitive. He has the same good looks as Dally, the same compassion as his liddle brother.

I turn away from the quiet brothers, an start mixin' up the cake fixin's. The door busts open, and I can already tell it's Two-Bit, and that he's all boozed up.

"Guys…" he hisses. "I got tha' stuff… be carefull… or the fuzz'll seeyus. The walls have eyes," he said, tittering. He throws a brown bag at Pony, who catches it easily and looks inside.

"Aww, Kools! Thanks Two-Bit. You stole em?" Ponyboy asked, popping one in his mouth. "Here Soda, take the rest of em away. I was serious about quittin'."

Soda turned, and I was startled by how much they looked alike. Soda really was the middleman, between dreams and truth.

"Come on, monkey," Two-Bit grinned at Pony. "Mickey's on… hey, you're makin' chocolate cake?"

"Yeah, but pour the milk for me, if you aren't too drunk, you lazy skunk. Why don't you get a job and quit wastin' your cash on booze. Where do you even get your money anyway?"

He grinned drunkenly. "I kin steel anythan' thass not nailed down, liddle girl. Le's get some chocolate cake in us. lemme lick the batter." He said, reaching for it.

"It don't got the milk in it yet, drunkass!" I hollered at him. "Your mind is in never-never land!"

"Not such a bad place to visit," Soda popped out, back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, to visit, not to live in," I grumbled. "You greasers. I swear, if you wrung out Two-Bit 'bout now, his sweat could be used fer cleanin'! Dirty, drunk bastard."

Soda mussed my hair. "Don't be afraid to live a little, kiddo."

"Howdy!" Two-Bit hooted from the family room. "It's a new episode! Well tickle my socks and eat my shorts!"

Ponyboy laughed at him, and went to sit next to him. Soda poured the milk for me, and stuck it back in the icebox. "You know what, Soda?" I said thoughtfully. He grunted, and took the mixing bowl from me, adding more sugar. "I think you cheated at poker."

Soda popped some mix into his mouth. "You know what, Ash?" he grinned. "Damn right I did!"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Two-Bit, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" I shrieked. Half the cake mix was in my hair. "Why don't you use somma that grease of yours and scrub everything down! This place could use elbow grease!" I wiped cake mix along my hair line, and shoved some in my mouth. In half an hour, Two-Bit'd managed to get cake in my hair, and pepsi and mentos all over the floor. And he was just sitting there, watching stupid cartoons.

"Shoot, Ash, can't even clean my own damn house. Whaddya say, come over and help me clean?" he grinned.

"No!" I hollered, right in his face. "You're gonna pickup them crumbs, and mop the floor! Then you're gonna ice the cake, and if you eat any of it, I'll kill you with my own bare hands. I'm taking a shower, to get your goop outta my hair—"

"My goop aint chocolate colored…" he mumbled to himself, grinning.

I ran over to him and pulled him up from the easy chair. He was almost as tall as Darry, but drunk. He stood up wobbily. I tossed a rag at his face. "You have until I get outta the shower. Not comeon, hope too it, grease!"

Soda and Pony stared, and when I closed the bathroom door, I could hear them roarin' with laughter. I scrubbed myself, top to bottom, and cleaned the tub when I got out.

I always been kinda a clean freak. I don't mind messes, but dirt and stuff is just plain gross. I pulled my pants back on, and one of Darry's shirts. I stepped outta the bathroom, and that place was spick and span, cleaner than I'd ever seen it.

"Crazed girl!" Two-Bit pointed at me. "Look what I've done!"

The whole kitchen was cleaned and organized. The floor was mopped, the cake was baked and coolin', and it was time for Two-Bit to learn how to do laundry.

"Come here," I demanded, pulling him behind me. I made him carry all the wet clothes and hang 'em up on the line. "Tomorrow, you'll learn how to fold 'em. Then we're gonna take a field trip to your house and clean up that pigsty. And I'm throwin' out alla your trash… including Playboy."

"Nooo!" Two-Bit wailed, kneeling down in front of me, still nearly at my level. "Anything but that! Please! Don't do something I'll regret!"

"Aw shoot, Two-Bit, I bet you regret plenty of things. Like that time you broke your arm, or tried to hit on Evie." Soda cracked.

Two-Bit swung around on his heel. "I regret not drownin' you the day you were borned." He threatened. "I'm still bigger than you, Sodapop Curtis!"

Sodapop snorted. "You're drunk, old man. Come wrestle me when you've got your head screwed on straight."

"Well, shit kid. That ain't ever gonna happen." Two-Bit smirked.

"Okaay, Two-Bit, let's take you home," I said, pushing him. He had somehow managed to grab a beer from the fridge. I take it from him and chug it down. "Just tell me where to go. Pony, Soda, hop into bed. I'll be sleepin' when I get back."

After probably an hour, I managed to get Two-Bit back to his house, and up into his room. I changed his sheets while I was at it. I took off his shirt, organized his closet, and swept his floor. And I really did throw out them Playboys. I wasn't kidding.

I got back home by probably quarter to eleven. I was feelin' pretty good. The Curtis house was home now. Them boys just had a way of makin' me feel at home. Probably because they reminded me of the boys: Case, with his quietness, Jackhammer, with his size, Charlie and Darry were two of a kind… and Jimmy, who somehow reminded me of Soda.

The boys were asleep, or at least pretendin' to be, but Darry got home same time as me. "Two-Bit, or Steve?" he asked.

"Two-Bit," I answered. "Look what he did!"

The kitchen was so pretty now, it almost sparkled. It was kinda drab and rickety, but it was clean and homey. The cake was iced and in the icebox, and everything was squeaky clean. I swear, I saw my reflection in the floor.

"How'd you get him to do that?" Darry asked, a grin tugging at his lips.

"Iunno," I answered. "Just hollered I guess. Made him do laundry too. That kid needs to grow up. Soda's more mature than him." Darry sighed, and sat at the table. I looked at him, and hopped into the chair on his right. "Come on, what's wrong, Dare?"

"The date wasn't as great as I expected," he admitted. "We sat there the whole time. She wasn't real pretty either. A real broad."

I spluttered a laugh, and threw back my hair at his words. A broad? Darry callin' a girl a broad?

We just looked at each other for a couple of minutes, and I said finally. "Yaknow, Soda's who you woulda been, if you hadn't been hurt so much."

I woke up to what looked like straight angels from heaven lookin' at me with owl eyes. Pony, Dare, and Sodapop were peering over me. "Get on outta here!" I groaned. "School starts too early."

"Nope!" Ponyboy said. "You're going with me. Steve'll take us. Two-Bit's too hungover to go today."

"Come on, sunshine! It's morning! Time to smell the roses!" Sodapop grinned, sitting on my stomach. I curled in from his weight.

"Get offa me!" I mumbled, wriggling. "I don't wanna!

Darry grabbed me under the armpits and pulled. Soda slid off me and tumbled onto the couch, grinnin' like a fool. "Come on, kiddo. Time for some education."

He held me a second longer than he had too. His hands were warm and tough, and strong. Everything about Darry Curtis was strong. I looked into his eyes, blue-green and solemn, even when he laughed, and my heart thumped so heavy, I was sure Ponyboy'd heard it. My feet were floating, and the room felt hot, too hot. He set me down, real gentle like, and I plastered a fool grin on my face, like Soda's.

"You have to wear shoes to school," Ponyboy said pointedly. I looked down at my feet. I really didn't wanna put any on. I never wore shoes. Even in winter. They bound my feet too tight and made me feel like a walkin', talkin' duck.

"Don't make me," I pleaded. "Comeon, hava heart, Pony!"

Darry rolled his eyes and picked me up over his shoulder. I was gonna get bruises in my stomach from all this abusin'. "Stick some shoes on her, will ya, Soda?" Darry commanded. His hand rested on my spine, and I shivered. I felt like a loon. I wanted to hold him tight, close. Closer than Jimmy'd evera gotten. I didn't even kick Soda too much when he tied the laces. Them shoes were so raggedy, they'd prolly end up fallin' apart if I kicked too hard.

"Hey, you cold?" Darry asked, noticing my goosebumps. I shook my head, and he put me down. He handed me one of his shirts. "I don't think that your shirts are in the dress code." He smiled. He draped it over my shoulders and picked up his tool belt. "Go back to bed, Ash, and I'll skin you. Come on, Soda. I'll give ya a ride to work."

They stepped out the door, and I flopped on the couch. I swear, that thing was so uncomfortable. I didn't wanna complain, though. Maybe I'd better try the Cade's another time though.

"Come on," Pony said quietly. "Steve'll be here any second. You bringing a bag?"

"Shoot kid, I'm there to learn, not to weightlift some heavy ol' books," I answered, getting up and grabbing a beer.

"You're gonna be worse off than Two-Bit, you keep drinking like that. Especially on an empty stomach."

I shrugged. "Food is gross. It makes me feel slow when I eat too much, and drowsy. I like to be sharp. My mom liked to eat, a whole lot. I haven't been able to eat a full meal since she died." I said softly.

I felt myself close to tears. To distract myself, I took a long draught of beer, savoring the taste. Ponyboy put a big hand on my shoulder.

It had to be rough for the kid, the man of a body, the heart of a kid. He was getting harder and softer all at once. It's funny, I guess. The more rigid you are, in hard times, you gotta break. But if you can flex, you just bend and twist all around. You'll be different, but you'll still be you.

Pony lit a cigarette, and a loud honk made me choke on the beer. Pony whacked my back a coupla times, but all that mostly did was hurt. I clutched the button part of Darry's shirt, and felt nervous. School. I didn't wanna be there.

"Don't even worry," Pony soothed me. "Just think about what a huge jerk Steve is, and you'll be so entertained that you can't even worry."

I gave a hollow laugh to reassure him. Couldn't have the kid worrying about me.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was awful, jeez. That was the awfullest idea Darry coulda thought of, sending me to school here. Charlie'd come for me soon anyway. I either followed Pony or Steve around. I'da got lost in a place that damn huge. The highlight was leaving at lunch, to go to the Dx to see Sodapop. But even though we ended up spendin' the rest of the day there, it was still godawful.

The very first class I had was gym, and not only did that dumb ol' broad ofa teacher holler at me for wearin' jeans, we had to run laps. I don't like to run. So when I told her no, she sent me to the principals. I didn't go of course, and explored all the hallways. Most of the people here were greasers or Socs. There weren't hardly any regular people here. The dividing line was huge. It was a big block, not a line. Real crazy. I didn't get harassed much or anything though.

You can bet I'm not going back to that class, I decided. So after the bell rang I wandered into my math class, and you bet Steve was there. He waved me over and we sat in the back. I sneaked a cigarette. I'm not usually a big smoker. I smoke when I'm stressed or when I wanna look tuff. It makes your teeth yellow. I'm not tryna lose all my teeth before forty.

The teacher was talkin' 'bout some foolishness, imaginary numbers. How do you expect to do math with imaginary numbers? I swear, people say the dumbest things.

Me and Steve took off after that. He took me to the detention room, and we smoked and talked to the babysitter there. Around lunch we hunted up Pony and went to the DX.

The day was real busy, I guess. Me and Steve got to work on some cars. I figured I'd work on Darry's car if we got back early enough. But daylight's gettin' shorter an all, so iunno. I'll try. He could use some help. I met the boss, Jakey, and he was real nice. He told me I can work Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, and whenever I feel like after school. Turns out, Sodapop's been promoted to his manager.

I thought about what Darry'd said, 'bout Soda findin' success. Maybe not the way Darry woulda wanted, but manager at barely seventeen? He'd prolly end up owning his own garage, along with Steve. I said that very thing to him, and Soda had nodded. "It's my very dream," he said with a grin. "Alls I got left to do is think of a good name for it."

It was prolly 'round six when I hiked on over to Two-Bits. I mean what I say. I don't say things if I don't mean them. I told that ol bum that I'd be around and clean that pigsty, and if he doesn't believe me, it's his own lazy, drunk fault.

I banged on the door, loud as I could, hopin' he was hungover still. He was drinkin' enough to be outta his mind. When nobody answered, I just opened the door. Two-Bit was conked out on his couch, Mickey on the TV and a beer in his hand.

"Wake up!" I hollered, leaning real close to his face. He twitched, but kept his eyes shut nice and tight. "Get up, you lazy ass!"

"It aint just my ass that's lazy. There's a whole lot of lazy all over my body." He mumbled, twisting away and accidentally dumping beer on his shirt. His eyes flew open. "Well damn. You again? Can't I just have some peace?" he demanded, only I think that last question wasn't meant for me. He blinked back what looked like it coulda been tears. "Can't I just have some goddamn peace and quiet, Johnny?"


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I looked at the dusty mirror in Two-Bit's bathroom. I touched my nose, ran my fingers around my eyes, poked at my lips. I guess I never thought about my cousin too much. I never really knew him ever, in my life. I didn't think we looked alike, either. I mean, I guess I'm scrawny and short like him, but he was dark and big eyed. I was pale and got freckles if I burned, and my eyes are gray and I'm blonde. I don't get it.

I studied my features intently. "God damn you, Johnny Cade." I said angrily. "God damn you for messing these guys up so bad."

I took a walk around his house. After Two-Bit stopped screaming at me, he fell asleep on the couch. I turned off Mickey and took all the beer cans scattered about, and threw em all in the trash. I swept every floor he had, dusted every surface, did his laundry, scrubbed down his bathroom, organized his kitchen, threw his junk and garbage away, and durned if I didn't even do his dishes.

I walked out, and when I was halfway back to the house, I shivered and realized I'd left Darry's shirt on Two-Bit's couch. I walked on over to the Cades.

I don't know why, I don't know what possessed me, but I walked right in and up to what I figured was Johnny's room. The uncle was passed out, and the aunt was off bein' a crazy woman somewhere else, by god's grace. I laid on the bed and took a smell. It was crazy to think about how these were Johnny's shits. I took his shirts, one of his jackets, and his lighter. I never even thought about him before, but now I couldn't stop. I looked through everything. His room was small, cramped. He had a regular ol' bed with dirty sheets, and a messy floor with cigarette butts everywhere, pepsi bottles. It coulda been Soda's and Pone's room. Only it didn't feel alive. The room felt flat, and cold. It didn't feel like a boy had ever lived there. Ponyboy and Sodapop's place felt lived in and real.

I ran out, quick as I could, wrapped in six shirts, and a jacket, the lighter in my jeans pocket, next to my blade. I picked my fingernails with it while I walked back home. It was seemed later than it prolly really was.

When I walked in the door, everyone grinned up at me. They were sittin' around the couch, just hangin'.

"Ash!" everyone cheered. "You fixed the car!"

I widened my eyes. No I didn't. "I didn't finish," I explained.

"The car turns on, that's all I need!" Darry hooted, pickin' me up and tossing me at Sodapop. "Soda fixed it up real nice at the station today, cus you fixed it! He drove it up and replaced the engine!"

I couldn't help the huge grin that spread across my face. All the praise these kids kept giving me made me so happy. They were all so much boisterousness, more than my gang.

Even Ponyboy was smiling softly. "So, what should we do?" he said thoughtfully. Soda looked at him, a question mark dancin' in his eyes.

"Well, it's yous and Ash's birthday tomorrow."

"Chocolate cake!" Soda hollered gleefully.

"What should we do? I guess it's a double celebration."

I'm not usually a sentimental person, really, I'm not. But I felt hot tears blaze in my eyes when he said that. "I aint barely know you guys, and you been so good to me," I said thickly. I looked at all three of them. "Why you guys so kind-hearted?"

Soda set me down, and Pony put a hand on my shoulder. "We know ya," he said clearly. "Soda was just playin' around at first. But then you said you were Johnny's cousin. Everybody wanted to keep you around then. Including Steve. But you're gold, all your own, Ash."

I remembered that poem he'd recited to me, the leaf poem by Robert Frost. Leaf subsides to leaf, I thought. That line eluded me. I wanted to know what it meant. "I'm not gold," I felt soft right there. "All that glitters aint gold, I know that for damn sure, man."

Ponyboy squeezed my shoulder, and looked into my eyes. "You got Johnny's stuff on, dontcha?" he asked. "I can feel it."

I didn't know how to explain it. I felt embarrassed by it, almost. Like shame. I burned. My face felt hot. I scrunched up my cheeks and bit the inside of my mouth. "Yeah," I said, and told him how I felt. "Man, I guess I took it cause I wish I knew him. I still gotta chance, though, man. Cause he's still here somehow."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I dug Darrel Curtis.

As much as I tried to ignore it, when he touched me, I got a spark. I got it, why they'd called it sparkin', back in the olden days and all. After a month, I couldn't deny it no more. Darrel Shaynne Curtis. I was sweet on Darry.

For me and Soda's birthday, the nicest thing happened. We all went out to dinner, Steve and Two-Bit too. Two-Bit was drunker'n anything though. He didn't show it much, but I could tell. And Steve even got us presents. Steve got Sodapop this fancy new screwdriver, with interchangeable parts. And he told me his girl, named Evie, had helped him pick out these shoes for me. They fit perfect. Which was good. My other pair fell apart and even though I don't usually wear my shoes, cold feet are not on my lista priorities. I gave Steve a huge hug for that, you can bet I did. I been goin' to school, four days a week. I been workin' with Steve and Soda the other three. I been learnin' a lot about them.

I know that Steve is allergic to coconuts, and is afraid to swim. I know his girl Evie has dark hair and eyes, and a real big chest. I know that Two-Bit is drunk from when he wakes up to when he falls asleep, and that he has a sister named Sara, who I never met yet. I know that he likes grass, and I lit it up with him a coupla times. I know that Ponyboy smokes like a fiend, never puts down the cigarette packs, and even though he's tryna quit, still smokes through at least six a day. I know he loves pepsi, and hates the taste of baloney. I know he's a real tuff shot, too. I know the whole story of how Johnny got burned and died, and I know that Sodapop loves sweet stuff, and any kind of competition. I know he is still in love with his girl, and all about that. I know that Darry likes to ski, and he's a good swimmer, but he can't convince Steve to try. I know he likes his hair short, and loves to learn, even though he aint got time for books and such. He hates movies, and he likes his eggs with ham.

I know that Dally Winston loved redheads, and this girl who was with him before he died, named Sylvia, got raped and pregnant. I know he thought that she cheated, and broke it off with her. I know Sylvia moved away, and that Dally's favorite color had been orange, and he was a real hand at poker. I know that Johnny worshipped him, and that he was from New York. I knew he loved horses, same as Sodapop, and that he gave Johnny the jacket I always wore now.

I know that Johnny liked to watch the stars and count them with Pony, and that once, when Johnny lied to the police to keep Steve from getting arrested.

There's a hole the size of Oklahoma left in everyone.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I called up Charlie. He could help. Nobody else was home. He answered. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Charlie!" I said joyfully, and I could hear him relax.

"Hey, sweetie." he tells me softly, and I can sense his smile, perfect straight but kinda yellow. "How's it over at your aunties?" he asked sarcastically. "Treatin' ya real good?" I can hear his whip-like mood swing, back and forth. Big Red to Charlie and back.

"I'm stayin' with friends of Dally Winston," I cringe and wait for him to explode, Charlie-style.

"Dallas Winston?" he hollered through the phone. I held it away from my ear. "That low life scum makes me look real clean now! I wouldn't trust him farther than I could move his grave! What kinda degenerates have you been staying with?" he demands, his voice devoid of an accent.

"Now, come on, Char…"

"No, don't tell me to come on! Do you need me to come down there and get you?" he's practically shrieking. "You know, Jackhammer got locked up because he obstructed the workers takin' away your furniture! Don't you repay him by getting yourself raped and killed, JC Ashton!"

I winced. "It's the Curtis gang!" I manage to holler, before he can get started on a new bout of hootin' and hollerin'.

"Darrel Curtis? With that Ponyboy kid who was down in Windrixville?"

"Yeah," I said earnestly. "He's a real tuff guy. Let me stay the moment he met me. He was friends with my cousin Johnny afore he died."

"How about I come down for a visit next month?" Charlie says abruptly, becoming Big Red. "I gots some business to take cara, downin' Texas, ya dig? But I'll bring up the boys. I'll tellum ya called."

"Aight, Char," I said, real soft. "Can't be runnin' up the Curtis phone-bill. Love ya, brother." I hung up, and fell asleep on the couch.

After about an hour, the others came home. I was still half asleep, so I didn't even bother to get up. I turned over and caught snatches of their whispered conversation. "You know," Sodapop says. "It's Ash. She left a new art set for Pony, under his bed, and the ending set to the screwdriver that Steve got me."

Darry answers, just as quiet. I can feel his gaze on me. "She paid this month's electric bill… and I found a prepaid gym membership card."

"She's been gettin' us presents, Dare." Soda said real serious. I was glad my head was turned away, I blushed so hard. "And Pony's been getting A pluses again. Especially in that class they have together." Darry nodded. "Two-Bit came to school today, Steve told me. Sober as anything. Steve hasn't gotten in a fight in ages. You've been smilin' more and more every day, Dare."

"And what about you, Sodapop Patrick Curtis?" I heard the close-lipped smile he was givin' Soda. I heard it in his voice. I swear, I got a radar for when he does that shit, man.

"I been forgettin' about Sandy…" he said slowly. "That's what."

Well shit, I guess I was a helluva good influence.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

When I wake up again, dinner's ready. I scooped a bite of lettuce into my mouth and dump the rest of my plate on Darry's. I stood up and took off my shirt. I was comfortable enough with them by now not to care no more. But comfortable meant familiarity.

"Godamn," Ponyboy's quiet voice followed me. "Lookit your ribs there, Ash! You're smaller than you was a month ago."

I looked down at myself. I saw my abs, which I were proud of. That was tuff to have, especially for bein' a girl. I saw the lines of my ribs, and the sharp points of my hips. "I look the same to myself." I shrug, feeling awkward.

Sodapop nodded. "You're lookin' a mite scrawny there, Ash. You should prolly start eatin' more. Fill yourself out a little bit."

Darry looked at me with that same, intent gaze I was familiar with. "You sure you don't want anything, girl?" he asked gruffly. "Cake, beer?"

I shook my head, wondering what was wrong with them. Sure, I knew I was scrawny, but so did they. Why were they makin' a big deal out of it? "I'm good there, Dare." I answer, my voice oddly rough.

"You didn't even eat when we went out for the birthday dinner," Pony continued. I hear my stomach rumble.

"I'm not hungry," I shrugged, lying. I could feel a blush stealing up my face.

"Come on, sit down and have a bite." Soda urged.

"I already did!" I replied, laughing.

"You didn't eat anything yesterday. All you had today was that lettuce, same as past days before yesterday." Darry told me seriously.

"Glory, you keepin' count?" I asked, jokingly. "Come on, lemme do this laundry." I said, bolting out to hang up the wet clothes.

When I came back in, all the dishes were done, so I hopped in the shower. I scrubbed my hair real good. I was real shaggy, but I hadn't cut my hair in years. I didn't bother to brush it, but flung it back and pulled on Darry's jacket.

I examined my feet. They were tough and hard, real calloused.

I guess I was used to not wearing shoes, because I my feets were so hard that my pads felt like shoe soles.

I padded outta the bathroom, bundled up tight. I heard Steve's voice, real low and deep and serious, hissing real fast: "It's a rumble, in a month, Dare. We gotta let Brumley know if we're comin'…. They stuck by us when we had to lick those Socs. They're fightin' this gang down in godknowswhere, who's been movin' in on their turf."

Darry heard me walkin' into the kitchen. He didnt even look at me, I swear. He just flipped off an answer, real smooth: "No, Ash."

My eyes widened. "Come on, Dare! I been in rumbles before!"

"No."

I pad up to him. "Why not?"

"You're my responsibility, you're the smallest girl I ever seen, and because I said so!" Darry turned towards me, his voice seething with finality.

"Come on!" I groaned, grabbing his shirt. "Help me out Steve!" I wailed, turning to Steve and wrapping my arms around him. "No fair! I'll betcha Pony's going! I'm older than Pony!"

Steve laughed outright. "Yeah, he is, kiddo. Need every man we can get. Man."

"It's because I'm a girl?" I hollered at Darry, standing up on a chair to get eye level with him. Steve widened his eyes and walked out into the porch with Sodapop, closing the door tight. "Don't you dare try'n tell me it's cause I'ma girl, Darrel Curtis! Iyam not any less tough than you are cause of my shape!" I yelled right in his face.

"You're a hell of a lot less tough than me because of your size! Look at you, Ash! You don't eat, you're not even five feet tall, and you weigh probably ninety pounds. I'm not taking you into that rumble so you can be slaughtered!" he shouted at me, real scary like.

"Don't you give me that!" I began, my voice rising upa coupla octaves. I couldn't believe that this man was twenty years old! He acted like he was dead'n buried, he was so old. "You grumpy ass old man!..."

"I don't want you to get hurt, Ash." Darry said real low, his teeth clenched. "You aren't going in there because if you got hurt, it'd be my fault for letting you."

I stared at him. I couldn't believe we were only three years apart. I looked at his eyes, green and blue and bright with emotion, and I furrowed my brow and bit my lip. I didn't know what to say.

"Please, for Glory sakes," Darry said extra quiet, so I had to lean closer to hear him. I put my hands on his shoulders and marveled at his size. He was the biggest guy I'd ever seen in my life, truth is. You'd think that havin' a greaser yell at me up in my face would be scary as anything, but it wasn't. He wasn't greasy. He was the most responsible, conscientious man I'd ever met.

The door banged back open and Sodapop came in. "Welp, if the yellings over, I guess it's safe!" he said cheerfully. "Come on, we got work tomorrow!"

"I don't wanna go to bed yet," I grumbled. "That couch hurts my back."

"Sleep in Darry's bed," Sodapop joked. "He won't mind sharing, seeing as you pay the bills."

"But hey, I bring home the bacon, little man." Darry cracked. "Don't you forget it."

"Maybe I'll be a vegetarian," Soda sassed, his grin lighting up the room. I swear, this was a family of some attractive people. Sodapop was so beautiful. He was named right, that boy bubbled.

"I don't got any beef with that!" I answered. Wow, my wit is astounding. Sometimes I don't get how I do it, I swear.

Darry busted up laughing and ruffled Soda's hair, and set a hand on Pony's shoulder. That Pony has been getting bigger with every second, I swear. Him and Soda both. Soda is almost as tall as Darry now. Not as wide though. His face is so delicate, I swear. It's the perfect balance between masculine and beautiful. And Pony's as wide as Darry now, thick. He's a man, or at least mostly there. It's crazy. They're growing before my eyes.

Darry's the same, I notice. His face is rugged, tough, and his eyes are usually lookin' plumb worn out. But when he smiles, he sparkles, I swear. It's like he gets this glow on him.

But then I snap out of it. I remembered what had me so fired up, and I decided, nothin' could keep me from that rumble.

"Hells bells!" Darry swore, sitting on his bed, pressing his hand onto his face. "Don't kill me, Ash!"

"Who's tough now," I grumbled. "You should know that it scared the livin' daylights outta me and Soda when Two-Bit ran up, blabberin' about you fallin' offa house. Jeez, man! Have some sense! My heart near busted outta my chest. Whaddya think you're doing, man?" I lectured. "You're gonna be in bed for at least four weeks."

"I'm gonna miss the rumble," he shot back. "Which sure as hell means you will too. If I didn't mean it before, I mean it now."

"You can't stop me, cripple!" I said defiantly, tying back the bandage on his ankle.

"Soda won't take you!" Darry answered.

"I'll bet Steve and Two-Bit would, thought," I said daringly. "Anyway, its your own durned fault. If you weren't always tryna show off, doublin' up on roofin' and such, you wouldn't be in this mess!"

"I can't afford this," he moaned. "Shit."

"It's fine, Darry." I told him seriously. My eyes felt clear, somehow, when I looked at him. Like, clean. "I told Jakey that I'd be workin' full time with Soda for the next month."

"You can't miss that much school!" Darry hollered, shootin' out of bed, then collapsing back down onto the pillows.

"Calm down!" Ponyboy piped up, from the corner. I jumped: I forgot he was there. That boy is so quiet, I swear. "Come on, Dare. Me n Steve can bring her assignments."

"Two-Bit hasn't been to school in weeks," I furrowed my brow. "He has a problem."

"Enough about Two-Bit, this is about you guys! I can't miss that much work! You can't miss that much school!"

"I'm workin' every day of the week, n so is Soda." I ignored him, and started bandaging his wrists. "I can handle meals, and laundry and dishes. You don't gotta worry about nothin', Dare."

"Yes I do!" he wagged a finger, then recoiled in pain. "Damn!"

"You sprained your ankle and both wrists, Dare. You aren't workin'. We'll survive."

"So will you, since you aint going to that rumble," Darry said with finality. That made me so mad. Why wouldn't he let me go! "Pone, get started on dinner, will ya? Soda'll be home soon. I gotta talk to Ash."

He waited until Ponyboy left to lash into me. "Godamnit, Ash." He said angrily. "I told you, you aren't going!"

I curled my feet under my knees and kept bandaging him. I rolled my eyes at him. Donkey stubborn, that was him. "You can't stop me!" I said angrily. "You know why that rumbles going on, dontcha? I called up Charlie earlier, he heard about it. He said a Brumley kid's sister got raped. That's why there's a fight."

"That's why you aren't going! If they can do it once, they won't hesitate again. You think Big Red's let you go?"

I thought about it, while massaging his other wrist. "I snuck into once and he skinned me," I admitted. "He didn't even notice until after we were celebratin', my hat fell off. Charlie beat me worse than the kids did. I'm a pretty good bopper."

Darry's eyes got soft around the edges again, and he took a deep breath. He shuddered. "I pulled a muscle," he winced. "I wish Soda were here to massage it out. What time is it?"

"Roll over on your back," I said, still annoyed. "I'll do it. Soda won't be here fast enough. I can't stand your bitchin'." I tied up his wrist real fast, and he obeyed. That's a surprise.

I straddled his back and planted my ass on top of his. I leaned forward and dug my thumbs into his shoulder. "Where at, Dare?"

"It's all down my left shoulder," he mumbled with a face full of pillow. I scooted up his back a little and dug the pads of my fingers into his shoulder blade, tucking the skin under and rubbing it, hard as I could. "Jeez, that feels fantastic. Thanks, Ash. I appreciate this."

"Don't even think about it, you stupid donkey," I muttered. He belted out a chuckle, which was strong enough to literally bounce me. "Shut up…"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I rubbed his back until he fell asleep. I heard the door slam, and I figured Soda and Steve were finally home. Walking out, the best smell I'd ever had in my life. Fried baloney.

I saw Ponyboy making sandwiches. "I thought you hated baloney?" I asked curiously, almost droolin' at all that meat and cheese.

"I do," he said. "But I figure you like it, and you could use somethin' to grub on. Hey, you want me to read the last coupla chapters of Gone with the Wind?" he asked.

I nodded. "Thanks, Pony."

Steve loped in and tossed me over his shoulder. "Jeez, man," I said, my eyes stinging. "You smell like a durned brewery."

Soda came in laughing. "That kid's drunk as a skunk," Two-Bit hollered, drunker'n a blind owl. "Don't listen to what he says now! He's as stupid as a brick wall, and just as hardheaded."

"Woo-ee! That there over there is a Two-Bit in its natural habitat," he told me seriously. "Don't get too close, or the alcohol fumes'll petrify you!"

"Like Medusa," Ponyboy said quietly, making another sandwich. I grabbed one from the plate next to him, and took a bite. Oh shit, that was good. I was gonna take another, but instead stuffed it in Steve's mouth to shut him up. But Two-Bit kept on hollerin'.

"Come on, aint you gonna eat any more?" Ponyboy turned off the stove and took me from Steve. "This is all you ate all day, innit?"

"Naw," I lied. "Had a beer earlier." I hiked up my pants so they'd stop saggin'. All my stuff was getting' smaller. "Hey guys, Dare's asleep so shut the hell up." I pulled Two-Bit down onto the couch and swung my legs over his, as a cushion. Soda scanned through the channels for Mickey Mouse, and sat at the table with Pony. Soda never watched the TV. It was mostly there for Two-Bit and me. "Steve, hop in the shower! You smell godawful. Two-Bit, next commercial, I'll take you home."

"I can do that," Soda offered, standing up, sandwich in his mouth. I waved away his offer.

"Thanks man, but I prolly gotta clean up after this dirty bastard."

Two-Bit started to wail when the commercial flashed on. "Noo! Mickey!" I got up and pulled him up. "Come on, Two-Bit," I lied convincingly. "We're outta beer. We gotta go on a run."

I normally woulda tooked him in the car, but it was almost outta gas, and me n Soda needed to get it to the station tomorrow to refill it. When we got to his place though, I was shocked. It was still lookin' nice as hell.

"Surprise!" Two-Bit hooted. "Love it, right? I'm tryna take good care of myself… mebe I'll even get a job!"

I snorted. "Baby steps, Two-Bit."

"Right. Buh sometimes ya gotta run afore ya can crawl, geddit?" he asked. I walked him to his bedroom and tucked him in. I put his shoes in his closet and threw away his beer. He was snorin' 'fore I could even leave.

I was maybe a block away when a bunch of the greasiest kids I ever seen comed up. "Hey girl!" they hooted, drunk as anything. "You like grease? Makes things real slidey!" the roared with laughter. I ignored them and kept walkin'. I felt my stomach clench and growl. They started followin' me. I turned around and hollered right back at them.

"You're so greasy I bet your pants slide off every time you see a girl!" I cracked, playing with my knife. They backed off real quick. That's what respect is. They knew I coulda handled myself. I started pickin' at my nails and saw that Steve was passed out on my couch.

"His dad kicked him out again," Soda said apologetically. "Why don't you hop in bed with Darry? I don't think he'll care."

I shrugged. "I'm tired enough for that to make sense." I answered, yawning, and threw off my pants an' put on one of Johnny's shirts.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

It was the nicest sleep I'd gotten in months, I swear. That bed was so soft, and smelled just like Darry. I dropped off the second my head hit pillow. The sheets felt like silk: worn, warm cotton. It was a dreamless, restful sleep, and I had taken off Johnny's shirt in the middle of the night because I hadn't needed it.

When I woke up, I Darry was curled around me. I felt guilty: I'd slept in his bed without asking. I was probably on his side. But I was so tired, and he was so warm, heavenly warm, that I was loathe to crawl out of bed. I closed my eyes, and fell back asleep in seconds. I swear, I never liked sharing sleeping spaces, but this was the nicest thing I could think of.

When I woke up, I was pressed even closer to Darry, and one of his huge arms was draped all over me. It was heavy, but it felt comforting. Like a strength you could feel. Sturdiness, or steadiness I guess. I heard his breathing, trying to be quiet, and I realized he was trying not to wake me up.

"Aw, jeez, Darry!" I said, twisting around to face him. "But Steve took the couch and I wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry if I took your spot… you shoulda woke me, you didn't have to wait for me! You coulda kicked me out, Steve's prolly gone by now—" I was blathering, but I was nervous as anything.

Those big green blue eyes that I loved so much were heavy lidded from sleep, and he gave me a soft smile. A zing went straight from my heart to my stomach and I shivered.

"Cold?" he mumbled. "C'mere," he pulled me right close into him. I figured he was still asleep and looked up, about to apologize and hop out of bed, but as soon as I opened my mouth, he kissed me.

Jeez, but he was an amazing kisser. His lips were soft, but firm and caressing. I guess with the shock and all, I wasn't too responsive at first, and he used his mouth to coax me into the kiss. I closed my eyes and just felt it. It felt smooth, to kiss him, like I wanted to sleep. But at the same time I wanted to crawl up and die from happiness. He propped himself up and pulled me into his lap, with me in nothing but a shirt. I had forgotten to put on any underwear. But he didn't notice with the sheet still in between us.

I ignored that and just melted. I swear, he knew every technique possible. One second he was soft and delicate, planting butterflies all over my neck and face, and the next he'd devour me, hard and bruising. He'd switch from gentle to lustful, then loving. And the best part about it was how different he was from Jimmy.

Jimmy's hands always wandered, even in hellos and goodbyes. Darry kept his hands caressing my cheek, massaging my neck. Jeez, I loved every second.

He pulled away and looked into my eyes, still low. Not from sleep, but from passion. I resisted the urge to touch my swollen lips. He licked his lips and asked, his voice cracking: "Was that okay?"

"Jeez, Dare, you gave me a heart attack," I grinned at him, feeling every inch of my skin buzz. "That was _fantastic_."

He toyed with his bandages. "I'm sorry," he said abruptly. "I shouldn't have. You're only seventeen… you're Soda's age…"

I put a finger to his lips. They were so full, and swollen from kissing. It was so nice to feel, like a happiness that made my heart swell up and tighten until I wanted to burst. I wanted to say so many things, but I knew he'd feel like he'd tried to seduce a kid. I didn't want him to think that. So instead of saying what I wanted, I told him: "Listen up, Dare. I like you. A whole lot. I swear, I don't think I've ever liked anyone as much as I like you. But if you regret that, tell me right now, got it? I aint gonna pressure you. We don't even gotta mention it to the boys. It can be a onetime secret, you know? But if you're okay with it, I don't mind. I respect you, and like you, and Jeez, I sure am _attracted_ to you. It's up to you," I said coolly, as my heart near thumped outta my chest.

He hesitated. Shit. He looked like he had absolutely no clue what to say to me. "I like you too, Ash," he said carefully. "A lot. Since the second I saw you flashing a knife at Sodapop's neck. I figured it was wrong, since you're so much younger-"

"Three years is only a coupla months, Dare." I said clearly. "I been through enough to mature me enough for this. I'm not a virgin. I've been in a relationship. I've been harassed, even. I'm just as tough as you. Things don't gotta change. The only thing that'd have to change is the sleepin' arrangements, you dig?"

"Do you think it'd be weird for the boys?" he asked, his first priority always the kids. I shook my head.

"We don't have to come out and tell them, Dare. We're the parent figures anyway, and I figger that means we have a right," I joked. But he was serious.

"Ash, I want this, more'n anything…" he began quietly.

I crawled up on him, aware of the state of my clothes and looked at him. "We have plenty of time to talk," I said, and kissed him.

But jeez, I think I loved him.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Darry had a smile like sunshine, eyes like the ocean, and a body better'n Superman's. He paid the bills, kept me in, and cooked. What more could you ask of a man?

Now that he was bedridden, I spent my seven days at the DX, open to close, cooked, cleaned, and slept with Darry. He worried constantly about bills. Ponyboy brought him books from the library a lot, and I could see how much he enjoyed them. It made me happy to see he could do that. I knew he was smart, and just didn't have time. So letting him eat up the pages of a thick book felt good to watch. It was a relief to see him relax. Me an Pony an Soda started eatin' in his room to give him company, and Two-Bit and Steve were always over. Steve staked his claim on the couch now, and Two-Bit was usually passed out in a chair.

I think he's been drinking more and more. I couldn't get it out of my head, what he said to me that one night, calling me Johnny. It made me shiver. All of them were messed up. I grabbed one of Pony's cigarettes and lit up, sitting on the porch.

Soda and Steve came home from their dates. Steve'd gone out with his girl Evie. I still haven't met her, but he seems to like her a whole lot. Soda'd gone out with a girl from school, who'd come down to the DX to flirt every damn day. Jeez, I swear, most of our business is from girls who like Soda.

I waved, and Steve sat down next to me. "How was it, man?" I asked, tryna blow a smoke ring. He took a drag, and puffed out a perfect one.

"S'all good," he answered. "I think me'n Evie are gettin' done soon, though. The magic's leavin', fer both of us. I guess it's all good. I'll miss what we had for a while there, though. Soda didn't have too hot a time neither. The girl he went with was real nuts, I swear."

I laughed, and snatched the cigarette back, practicing. Pony goes through a pack in three days, I swear. But that's better'n before, I guess. "What happened?"

"Nothin', she just yapped on with Evie the whole time. Didn't speak to either of us none. We're men, not trophies." he snorted.

I grinned up at him. "You aint no man, Steve Randle!" I joked.

Threateningly, he stood and held me upside down, nearly tossing me into the air. "Jesus!" he swore, lifting me up into his arms. "You keep getting' smaller! I was expectin' something like twenty extra pounds!" he peered at my abs. "Lookit them ribs! You're a helluva lot skinnier than you were before, and you aint never been a big girl. How much are you eatin'?" he demanded.

This surprised me. Of all the guys, Steve was the least caring. He liked cars, Evie, and he was real fun. But Two-Bit and Pony and Soda and Darry were all gold-hearted. Steve was grumpy, cranky, and wild. I liked him a whole lot, but as serious as he was, he never came across as a compassionate typa kid.

"Iunno," I shrugged at him. "I forget sometimes. Darry and Soda usually remind me."

He pulled at the waistband of my jeans. I cut one of Darry's belts and wore it. My pants were tents on me now. He literally dropped his mouth open wide. "Jesus H!" he recoiled. "Ash, lookit you! That's not healthy! You gotta grub, man, this is scary. I aint ever seen anyone that small."

I clenched my stomach and fists nervously. "I'm aight, Stevie. Don't even worry 'bout it. I'm the same! You just haven't bothered to hold me in a while," I joked.

"You gotta eat tonight. How 'bout one of them baloney sandwiches?" he asked seriously. "I bet you aint eated in a day or two, have you?"

Right then my stomach growled.

"Jeez, Ash. Doesn't Darry say anything?" he sighed.

"Guess he's used to it by now," I said quietly. "Aint anybody said anything 'bout it in weeks."

"Why?" he asked curiously. My heart stung a little at that question. Nobody'd ever asked, not Charlie, not Darry, not even Soda. I didn't expect it from the oblivious Pony, or drunked out Two-Bit, but Steve had asked. It made me wanna cry, I swear it did. My heart busted up with a soreness, and my throat burned and felt swollen, and thick, like tryna swallow a ball.

"I don't know," I whispered to him. "I really don't. I just get nervous, and scared, and it'll taste good, but when I try to take another bite, I just can't bring myself to do it. So I tell myself, I'll take another first bite of something later, but I forget, because I'm so used to being hungry."

Steve sighed. "Dare asleep?" he hollered to Sodapop.

"Naw man, readin'!" Soda answered. "Hey, you want some baloney?"

"Yeah, make a sandwich for Ash!" he yelled. "Thanks!"

"Why are you guys best friends?" I asked him curiously. "You guys are so different from each other, that sometimes it's weird seeing you together. He's so much… you're…" I trailed off, not wanting to offend him. He'd just listened to me.

He grinned at me, burped and I caught whiff of pepsi. "You mean he's so much kinder'n me?" he chuckled. "Sodapop's a good guy. I need him more'n he needs me. We're best friends because we're the same age, got the same job, and like the same things. But Soda's pure. He don't drink, rarely smokes, and he's in love with Sandy. I'm angry… too rough… and iunno iffen I'll ever love anything."

"You will," I said confidently. "You're a real tuff guy, don't you worry 'bout that. You'll find a real great gal sometime."

"That's the problem," he frowned. "Evie is! She's the tuffest girl I ever met. But… nothin'."

"Well, maybe you aren't meant for a tuff girl," I said seriously. "Maybe the love of your life is a greasy girl with a shaved head and crooked teeth. But it won't matter none, cause you'll love her." He bounced me in his arms, using me as a weight. Up and down, up and down.

"Mebe you're right," he answered seriously. "Think I'ma break up with Evie. How's you and Dare? Don't get flustered now, kiddo, we all know."

I blushed bright red. "Real good," I mumbled, stuffing my face into his chest. "I like him a whole lot, and I think he likes me too. And he gots a nice bed, aint that the truth."

He busted a gut laughing, I swear. I never figured I was so funny till I met these kids, aint that the truth.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"DARRY!" I hollered the next day. "Now you really gotta lemme go! Charlie and the gang are gonna be at the rumble! You gotta lemme go, really! Come on, Pony n Soda aren't here, it'll be our secret!"

"All the more reason for you not to go. Big Red'll skin me alive. I'm not going, you're not. They're welcome whenever they can hitch a ride. But you are not going to that rumble." Darry said with finality, not looking up from his book.

I jumped on the bed, and laid on top of him. "Come onnnnn, Dare," I groaned, pressing my hands to my head and kicking my feet frantically. "Pleasepleasepleaseplease-"

"If this is a tactic for you to show me your maturity, it isn't working," he said drily. "Steve told me he thinks you're even smaller than before. Gain ten pounds, and I'll think about it."

"What the hell, Darry!" I exclaimed. "What the frackin' fuck does my size hafta do with this!"

"Smaller you are, likelier it is you'll get cracked." He told me, putting down his book and rubbing my scalp. It felt so good, not just the massage, but having him touch me.

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall," I countered.

"The law of inertia," he snapped back, like a fencer.

"Well, jeez, your heart is set, now, innit?" I asked. "But so's mines!"

He rubbed my head, silent, until I was nearly asleep. "Just can't lose you," he mumbled, pulling me up and pressing his lips to mine, fiercely. Jeez, it hurt. But it felt good. He was sitting almost upright, with a few pillows propping up his back. I sat on him, mashed myself against him, trying to get as close to him as I could. Jeez, man, I loved him. I loved how smart he was, and how strong and huge he was, and how he cared. He cared so much. It was so nice. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and I explored his chest with my hands. Jimmy'd been hairy, and I hated that. Darry was sculpted and smooth. Everything about him was just tough, hard. All I was wearing was Johnny's shirt, and he unbuttoned it, quick as he could. His warm, calloused hands rubbed my waist, and moved up to under my armpits, kneading my skin.

His hands were so big that they could probably span my waist. "You're so soft," he muttered. "Your skin is like silk." He buried his face in my neck, kissing a trail down my shoulder. I jerked involuntarily and wrapped my legs around his waist. I couldn't get close enough to him. My hands roamed his skin, desperately, and he felt feverishly hot. I gripped his arms and felt the clenched muscles of his biceps.

He must've been struggling so hard to control himself, his strength. But when we fell around and he was on top of me, I felt how enormous he was, and it drove me wild.

When we were done fooling around, he traced the long line on my leg. "How'd you get this scar?" he asked, running his finger from my thigh, down the line to my ankle.

"Socs," I answered. "Bout a year or two back. Got jumped. They shaved my head with my own damn blade too, and it hurt like a bitch. Jackhammer got outta the cooler and hunted them down. He shot them. Both of them, in the legs. I heard they still walk with a hobble."

"Jackhammer, is he an alright guy?" he questioned, worriedly.

"He's real good. He's hard, for sure, and usually gets thrown into the cooler for months at a time, but he's real loyal, real responsible, and takes care of his own. Kinda reminds me of what you'd be, without all your stress."

"I have to worry," he stressed, rolling onto his back. "What if it takes me longer to heal? I know it's just a sprain, but we can't afford this. You gotta go to school, Pony's gotta get the grades—" I kissed him.

"Come on, Dare. I paid all the bills. Electricity, water, mortgage, everything that came in the mail. Relax, this is the first vacation you've had since you got your brothers, innit?"

He sighed. "Yeah. And it's horrible. I'm bored all day. The only one who swings by is Two-Bit."

I laughed. "That's not a bad thing!"

"It's a tragedy!" he laughed back, his eyes dancing. "Every time he comes in, he makes some crack about 'bein' invited to the abode' and some sex crack."

"It's funny because he isn't getting any," I smirked, and he roared with laughter. "But I guess that means he aint comin' to school at all now." I sobered up real quick at the realization.

"He's always shitfaced. Constantly." Darry said seriously. "I'm worried about him. He could stop if he wanted, but he doesn't wanna."

"I think it's Johnny," I said soberly. "He's haunted."

"Well, shit." Darrel Curtis said sadly. "I think we all are."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"The HILLLLLLLS are aliVEEEE with the sound of MUUUUSIC," Two-Bit shrieked. "With the SOOONNNNGS—"

"Shut up, fool," Steve punched him in the stomach.

"You're just mad because you can't hear the music!"

"That's brandy talkin,"

"Well hell, that Brandy broad has a helluva nice voice! Where can I meet her?" Two-Bit cracked.

Soda hooted with laughter. "Shuddup, or someone'll call the fuzz for noise complaints."

"AIN'T NOBODY GONNA CALL THE FUZZ UP IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!" Steve hollered with a grin. "'CAUSE THEY KNOW BETTER!"

Me and Pony were trailing behind. We were all headin' off to Buck Merrill's place. He was throwin' a party, and I lied and told Darry I was takin' Pony to a movie. Prolly not the best idea, but I'd be by his side all night, and I had my blade. I just wanted to educate the little man. He deserved some freedom. So did Dare.

When we got there, we were all tired from the long walk, but me and Pony walked in silence, while the rest of the guys had a ball, hootin' and hollerin'. It was Saturday night, and I had to work the next day, but so did Soda, so it was all good.

When we walked inside the door, I went straight to the bar. Parties weren't really my scene, I guess. They weren't fun to me. I didn't know what to do with myself, let alone Pone. I did some shots, and he smoked, watching the people interact. The fumes were so thick, that a smog curled over the room after an hour.

After about an hour, I thought I saw something, but brushed it away. But not less than five minutes later, I saw a familiar face.

"Case!" I shrieked, nearly toppling over. "What're ya doing here!"

"Came to see you," he shrugged. I almost cried. I guess I was a little plastered.

"Case, this is Ponyboy! He's Curtis' younger brother, Johnny's friend."

"How's the Cades?" he asked quietly.

"I'm livin' with my good buddy the Curtis!" I said, kinda sloppy. "These guys are gold, Case, pure gold."

Case shook Ponyboy's hand. "I'm Casey Bricker," he introduced himself.

"Ponyboy Curtis,"

"Both of ya'll are so quiet." I decided drunkenly. "Lighten up! Aintcha happy to see me, Case? I missed you so much!"

He looked at me. "You've lost too much weight," he said. "Yes, I've missed you. Too much. So does Jack and Red and Jimmy."

"Come on down'n visit!" I invited him. "I asked Dare, n he said it'sall good." I slurred. "I miss you guys so much! I love these kids though, real gold. Two-Bit and Stevie, and Pony here, and Sodapop and Darry."

"Are you eating?" he asked directly.

"Sometimes," Ponyboy says. "Never more'n a bite at a time. Nothing we do can coax her."

"Goddamnit." Case swore. "Jack's around here somewhere too. Jimmy's with Charlie down in Texas. Come on, you don't want Jack to see you that skinny."

That was a real lecture from Case, a real one. He didn't talk hardly much. "JACKKIEE," I singsonged. He appeared like magic, the way I knew he would. I tossed myself into their arms.

"Shit, Jennifer!" Jackhammer snapped. "Have you been fucking eating?"

I got serious, fast. "DON'T CALL ME THAT, JACK. Don't ruin a good reunion!" I wailed. "Pony, tell'em!"

He looked a little awkward. He lit another smoke, and offered one to Case, who took it. "She eats every once in a while. Drinks a lot of beer."

"Jesus, shit!" Jackhammer swore black and blue until I giggled.

"C'mon, I'm drunk… don't get too serious now…"

"You're stayin' with the Curtis outfit? They good to you?" he demanded, shaking me. I felt a little woozy.

"Real great," I started to cry, sloppily. "Too great! It's my own damn fault, Jack, it really is! But how was I supposed to stop it? It's his fault too: not one of us coulda helped it, you know? He's gonna hate me for ruining it!" I wailed hysterically. Pony led us to the back, and Jack carried me. He handed me over to Case, shushing me and whispering nonsense words about how he loves me and I'm a real tuff kid, and Case rocked me slowly until my hiccups subsided. "It's my fault Pony! Don't tell!" I said urgently. "Darry'd kill me!"

He looked bewildered. "I won't tell Darry nuthin," he promised.

"Swear it!"

"I swear,"

"Okay good," I said, sniffing. "He can't know. He'd kill me."

"It's okay there, calm down now, Ash." He said soothingly. "Darry loves you."

"Does he really?" I piped up.

"We all do."

My heart shattered. That didn't count! Sure, I loved them too. But not the way I did Darry.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"You boys goin' to the rumble in a few weeks? Brumley gang?" Jackhammer asked Pony. "I heard your brother's an ace bopper."

Ponyboy raised an eyebrow. "Yeah," he said, in that slow way of his. "Darry's home, injured. He fell offa roof at work. He won't be fully healed in time. The others are headin' out. Ash is keepin' Dare company."

"No I'm not!" I contradicted. "Darry can't get outta bed and stop me!"

"Girl, if I have to hold you down, I swear you aint going." Jackhammer replied clearly. "The kid- Sorry, Pony, is right. Curtis is a no nonsense guy. I got some information on him from Brumley. That's a straightedge if I ever heard of one."

I thought about Darry, reading a book, home alone. "Come meet him!" I said cheerfully. "Pony, go tell someone. We'll bring them back."

"You sober enough? Dare thinks we're at the movies." He walked back inside to find Soda.

"I can always withhold sex," I answered before I thought.

Case and Jackhammer exchanged a look. "He good to you, Ash? You promise?" Case asked urgently. "You aint doin' it outta obligation?"

"We're buddies," I answered, ready to cry again.

"Shit, don't cry!" Jackhammer exclaimed in alarm. "Why are you cryin'? You lyin' to us?"

"No!" I wailed. "I want him to love me but I promised just friends and if I say anything he'll hate me for ruining it!"

"He couldn't hate you," Case soothed. "Don't worry."

"I'm gonna kill him," Jackhammer said blankly. "Kill him. Don't let him make you cry."

"But… I love him!"

Jackhammer's eyes got soft. "Jimmy said that about you, girl."

Guilt exploded.

"Let's get outta here," I mumbled. "It's fuckin' freezin'."

"Darry'll keep you warm," Jackhammer cracked. "You can crawl into his carcass after I kill him."

"You can't fight a crippled man, Jack," Case explained to him the etiquette. "Wait till he heals up."

Ponyboy came back out. "Did one of ya'll drive, or are we carryin' her?"

"It's not like she weighs too much," Case grumbled. I cuddled into him and closed my eyes. "We gotta get her to eat."

Jackhammer lifted up my shirt and peered at my rips. "JESUS!" he snapped. "Fuckin' look at you, Ash! I thought we fuckin' went over this!"

"Don't be mad at me!" I sobbed messily, drunk, sloppy, and distraught. "Don't get mad, Jackhammer! Please, don't! I couldn't stand it if you hated me!"

"Well, shit," Case said in amazement. "What're you talking about, Jackhammer?"

Jack ripped a ferocious glance at Case as he rocked me. "I don't hate you, Ash, don't play those fuckin' mind games. You have to eat! I thought that you were getting better!"

"I do! I am! Please believe me!"

Jackhammer tore his eyes away from me, and turned away, breathing hard. He pressed a hand to his forehead and shook. "Christ, Jennifer," he said furiously. "Am I the only one who's ever noticed this shit?"

I nodded tearfully. "Don't be mad! Nothing's wrong!"

"You're skinny enough to die!" he hollered at me. Case kept rocking me, holding me close, but not defending me from Jack. "Shit! It's your dad, isn't it? You were fine before you left. He threw you back over the edge, and you don't even know it. Have you been picking your nails?" he demanded, grabbing my hands and staring at the clean, but ripped up, torn up nails. "Jennifer…" he said, looking near tears. "Why are you doing this? You're killing yourself. You think that nobody notices?"

"Ash," I corrected him. "Fuckin' ma givin' me her stupid ass name… fuckin' dad, going along with her shit… stupid, both of 'em, dyin' on me, leavin' me all fuckin' alone. I don't got any girl friends, Jack. I don't got nobody to gossip with and paint my nails with and talk 'bout guys with."

"Shh, baby," Case soothed me. "You got us, and we love you. Your mother and father did too."

"As soon as the fuckin' broad died on me, he stopped caring. Maybe if she didn't name me after her stupid self, he coulda stood to be around me," I wept. "They both left me. Nobody loves me!"

"Charlie loves you, and Jackhammer. I love you, baby, you know I do. And Jimmy. He loves you a whole lot." Case kissed my forehead and kept rockin' me.

"I'm such a fuckin' bitch!" I choked hysterically. "Ji-Jimmy loves me, and he was good to me, and I left him! I'm a hypocrite! I don't know how to love people right, Case! I always gotta ruin shit!"

"Ash!" Jackhammer said, real tears coming down his face. It shocked me silent. I aint never seen him cry. Not when he got jailed, any of the times. Not when he watched his girl die. Not when he saved me from getting raped by the Socs. He always stayed tough. "Don't do this to yourself! Don't you try and ruin of us any worse! We can't go on without ya, kid," he choked, clutching his heart as if it physically hurt him. "We couldn't manage without you."

"It's true," Case said seriously. "You're what kept me, and Jimmy and Charlie and Jack here together. Without you, we're just another hood gang. We could get along without any one of us, except you. We need you." He was so warm, and I burrowed into his strong arms as deep as I could. "Don't be doin' this to yourself, girl." He said gruffly. "Don't be doin' it."

I heard Ponyboy's voice, quiet, with his soft twang, break through the air: "Darry an' me an' Soda couldn't neither, Ash. We didn't know what we was missin' 'fore you came around. Now, I don't think any of us could get along without ya." He broke out a cigarette. I could smell the smoke.

"Take me to Darry," I asked Case quietly.

"Anything, baby. Come on guys, she's good now."

"Will you eat when we take you home?" Jackhammer asked timidly. I aint never ever seen him like this. It was sobering.

"Yes," I said in a tiny voice. "Don't tell Darry."

"Well shit kid…" Jackhammer shook his head. "Aint any way we can't tell him now. I expect him to take good care of you."

"He's bigger than you,"

"He's also a helluva lot less plumb-crazy'n me."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Case plopped me gently on Darry's bed. I prolly reeked of alcohol, but he didn't say anything to me. "Darrel Curtis," he said, shaking Jack's and Case's hands.

"Jackhammer Wilson,"

"Casey Ryan,"

Jackhammer cut straight to business. "You're an idiot if you haven't noticed that Ash doesn't eat, ever, picks at her nails with that raggedy ass knife of hers, and won't cut her hair."

"I've noticed all of those things," Darry admitted. I was leaning against him, with his arm around my shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to listen, so I could correct any lies they told Darry.

"Then do something about it. Did you ever ask why?"

"Figured it was personal."

Case spoke up. "When she was twelve, some guys jumped her and cut off all her hair, because it was 'greasy'. She's refused to cut it since. She picks at her nails and always has that knife on her because she doesn't ever want to get jumped again,"

"She was almost raped once. If I hadn't been there, it would've been a lot worse," Jack broke in. "She always has that knife now, never is without it."

I felt Darry stiffen, but was too tired to move.

"She doesn't eat, god fuckin' knows why," Jackhammer continued bitterly. "After her mom died, she cracked. She went to the hospital once because of it. She was 4'11 and seventy pounds. She gained weight back, and she started eating again. Then, I'm guessing when her pa got shot, and thank god, because it coulda been Charlie instead, she couldn't take it. I bet you aint ever once seen her anything but her sarcastic, bossy self."

Darry nodded. "Everything you've said's true."

"What I wanna know is how you've been fuckin' her, and haven't noticed that she's the scrawniest thing alive."

Darry's arm circled me protectively. "I been trying to get her to eat. But I've been bedridden lately, obviously," he said coolly. "And I usually work five, six days a week, usually. I assume that Pony, or my other brother would be feeding her."

"Guess not," Case said quietly. "But I'm guessing she's been making it seem like something normal. She's good at that."

"Listen," I heard Darry's voice get more distant. I struggled to stay awake, but the alcohol was too much. "I l—"

And I can't remember anything past that.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 26

When I woke up, I was in a real unfamiliar place. A curly-headed boy was sitting next to me on the nicest couch I ever saw in my life. He had a tray of soup. A silver tray of soup. It was sittin' on a glass coffee table. Jesus. I sat up, and the boy started.

"How do you feel?" the boy asked. I macked my lips.

"Been a lot better," I admitted hoarsely. "Hey, thanks for pickin' me up man, that's a real swell thing to do." I always try to take things in stride, I do.

He looked soft around the edges. Not like I was seein' double, but like he was glad I appreciated it, or somethin'. "It's quite all right," he said in a cultured voice. "I couldn't leave you lying around in the middle of the street. You did look pretty bad," he confessed. "Here, have some of this. You're tiny: eat as much as you like. I can always ask Rochelle to bring in more: she's our cook." I hesitated. "Drink it, really. It's lamb broth, really good for you."

I guzzled that stuff down like a barbarian, lemme tell you. I didn't wanna look unclassy in fronta this kid or anything, but I burned so bad on the inside. I felt way too full after drinking maybe half the cup. "Gee, thanks. My name's Ash: who are you?"

"I know," he said earnestly. "I've seen you in school. You're in my math class. I'm Randy."

"Well, it's nice to meetcha, Randy. You seem like a real tuff guy. I gotta admit, I saw you when I was out there, and didn't expect you to acknowledge me," I told him easily. I guess after my freakout, I felt a whole lot better. Just bottled up too much, I guess.

"No, I'm not," he admitted distantly. "I'm not… tuff, at all. I'm a real dirty bastard, if you wanna know the truth."

"You're lookin' a lot cleaner'n me right now," I said drily, and he smiled. "Come on, you help out a random stranger. I'm a greaser, I'm sure you could tell," I gestured at my boxers and shirt. "But you're puttin' me on your nice couch anyway. Hey, where're your folks? They wouldn't mind?"

"They're rarely home," he told me kindly. "It's usually me and Rochelle. I don't see them for maybe a month at a time. I don't think they'll notice. They probably would mind though, honestly. They're rather snobby."

"Why are you different?" I asked him curiously. I swear I wasn't meanin' to be rude to him. He'd put me up, hadn't he?

"I met a boy once… a greaser kid. He did a real good thing. I wouldn't have expected a greaser to do it. He probably had the kindest heart I've ever known. A great kid. I don't know if I'd have done what he did, given the same situation. He was a good person. Is, a good person." He corrected himself. "It made me feel really awful for the things I've done. I mean, I throw parties, have beer blasts, jump greasers, harass girls. I don't have anything else to do. I guess he made me want to be a better person, take things seriously."

"You're doin' a real good job of accomplishin' them goals then, Randy." I told him seriously. "Everybody gots good and bad in 'em. You gotta pick whatcha wanna show, though. You dig?"

"It's a really pressured world in Soc-land," Randy told me. "You know, I don't ever mean anything I say, and I pretend to care about stupid things, that don't matter."

"You guys are too hard," I decided. "You let yourselfs get too hard. Not for real reasons. When a greaser is hard, it's cause he aint gotta choice. When a Soc is hard, it's cause he gotta be, for his friends."

"You're right," he sighed. "Are you feeling alright? I can drive you home."

"That'd be swell, Randy." I told him truthfully.

He had the tuffest Mustang I'd ever seen. It was white, and jesus, I would love to get my hands on it, fiddle with the engine. I knew that Steve'd love it even more. That kid loves cars. We didn't really talk as he drove me down to our side of town, and about a block from the Curtis place, he finally spoke. "Ash… what were you doing?"

I didn't take offense. Somehow, it felt easier to talk to someone who I didn't know, who didn't have any of the same friends and couldn't tell anyone. "It's a real long story. But, I basically… don't eat. And my boys got mad at me. And then I been stressin', and I just freaked out and ran off like a crazy lady. I guess I was still a little drunk from last night. Drank enough to petrify a rhino," I nodded slowly, not looking at him.

"You don't come to school anymore, do you? I haven't seen you."

"My buddy brings in most of the income, and he's cripped for now. I hadda take on full-time. I got my buddies bringin' the assignments for me and I do em, so I won't fail, I guess."

"That's rough," he said quietly. I shrugged.

"Guess so. You get used to it when you live your whole life like that, you dig? It's a rat race, yaknow? If it aint one worry, it's another. My ma died, and my pa left me alone with some buddies. Then he died and I got shoved down here, and my aunt and uncle aint fit to take cara me, so I moved in with Dare. He stresses 'bout bills, and school, and his brother's and now me. Then when he broke down, I hadda worry about the bills and school. Dare was smart. He coulda gone to college, but his parents died. He hasta take care of his brothers now."

Randy was silent. "Ash… when you come back to school… can we be friends? I guess that's kind of pathetic to ask: but it's weird, getting through to someone."

"Randy, you aint gotta ask." I grinned at him. "We was gettin' there anyway." The heat in his car was on, so I was real comfy. "Stop here."

He pulled to the curb and Ponyboy was sitting outside. He came up and nodded at Randy. "Thanks, Randy."

"Hey, Ponyboy," Randy said coolly, with a genuine, tentative smile on his face.

"Thanks for bringin' her back. Darry was goin' nuts. You're in a load of trouble there, Ash."

I winced. I leaned over and kissed Randy's cheek. "See you 'round, buddy." I told him, and I hopped outta the car. The ground felt colder than it had before. I jumped, the nerves in my legs twitchin' madly. That was a shock. Ponyboy picked me up around the armpits and carried me back into the house. He set me down and I looked, shamefaced, at… everyone.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

When I woke up, I was in a real unfamiliar place. A curly-headed boy was sitting next to me on the nicest couch I ever saw in my life. He had a tray of soup. A silver tray of soup. It was sittin' on a glass coffee table. Jesus. I sat up, and the boy started.

"How do you feel?" the boy asked. I macked my lips.

"Been a lot better," I admitted hoarsely. "Hey, thanks for pickin' me up man, that's a real swell thing to do." I always try to take things in stride, I do.

He looked soft around the edges. Not like I was seein' double, but like he was glad I appreciated it, or somethin'. "It's quite all right," he said in a cultured voice. "I couldn't leave you lying around in the middle of the street. You did look pretty bad," he confessed. "Here, have some of this. You're tiny: eat as much as you like. I can always ask Rochelle to bring in more: she's our cook." I hesitated. "Drink it, really. It's lamb broth, really good for you."

I guzzled that stuff down like a barbarian, lemme tell you. I didn't wanna look unclassy in fronta this kid or anything, but I burned so bad on the inside. I felt way too full after drinking maybe half the cup. "Gee, thanks. My name's Ash: who are you?"

"I know," he said earnestly. "I've seen you in school. You're in my math class. I'm Randy."

"Well, it's nice to meetcha, Randy. You seem like a real tuff guy. I gotta admit, I saw you when I was out there, and didn't expect you to acknowledge me," I told him easily. I guess after my freakout, I felt a whole lot better. Just bottled up too much, I guess.

"No, I'm not," he admitted distantly. "I'm not… tuff, at all. I'm a real dirty bastard, if you wanna know the truth."

"You're lookin' a lot cleaner'n me right now," I said drily, and he smiled. "Come on, you help out a random stranger. I'm a greaser, I'm sure you could tell," I gestured at my boxers and shirt. "But you're puttin' me on your nice couch anyway. Hey, where're your folks? They wouldn't mind?"

"They're rarely home," he told me kindly. "It's usually me and Rochelle. I don't see them for maybe a month at a time. I don't think they'll notice. They probably would mind though, honestly. They're rather snobby."

"Why are you different?" I asked him curiously. I swear I wasn't meanin' to be rude to him. He'd put me up, hadn't he?

"I met a boy once… a greaser kid. He did a real good thing. I wouldn't have expected a greaser to do it. He probably had the kindest heart I've ever known. A great kid. I don't know if I'd have done what he did, given the same situation. He was a good person. Is, a good person." He corrected himself. "It made me feel really awful for the things I've done. I mean, I throw parties, have beer blasts, jump greasers, harass girls. I don't have anything else to do. I guess he made me want to be a better person, take things seriously."

"You're doin' a real good job of accomplishin' them goals then, Randy." I told him seriously. "Everybody gots good and bad in 'em. You gotta pick whatcha wanna show, though. You dig?"

"It's a really pressured world in Soc-land," Randy told me. "You know, I don't ever mean anything I say, and I pretend to care about stupid things, that don't matter."

"You guys are too hard," I decided. "You let yourselfs get too hard. Not for real reasons. When a greaser is hard, it's cause he aint gotta choice. When a Soc is hard, it's cause he gotta be, for his friends."

"You're right," he sighed. "Are you feeling alright? I can drive you home."

"That'd be swell, Randy." I told him truthfully.

He had the tuffest Mustang I'd ever seen. It was white, and jesus, I would love to get my hands on it, fiddle with the engine. I knew that Steve'd love it even more. That kid loves cars. We didn't really talk as he drove me down to our side of town, and about a block from the Curtis place, he finally spoke. "Ash… what were you doing?"

I didn't take offense. Somehow, it felt easier to talk to someone who I didn't know, who didn't have any of the same friends and couldn't tell anyone. "It's a real long story. But, I basically… don't eat. And my boys got mad at me. And then I been stressin', and I just freaked out and ran off like a crazy lady. I guess I was still a little drunk from last night. Drank enough to petrify a rhino," I nodded slowly, not looking at him.

"You don't come to school anymore, do you? I haven't seen you."

"My buddy brings in most of the income, and he's cripped for now. I hadda take on full-time. I got my buddies bringin' the assignments for me and I do em, so I won't fail, I guess."

"That's rough," he said quietly. I shrugged.

"Guess so. You get used to it when you live your whole life like that, you dig? It's a rat race, yaknow? If it aint one worry, it's another. My ma died, and my pa left me alone with some buddies. Then he died and I got shoved down here, and my aunt and uncle aint fit to take cara me, so I moved in with Dare. He stresses 'bout bills, and school, and his brother's and now me. Then when he broke down, I hadda worry about the bills and school. Dare was smart. He coulda gone to college, but his parents died. He hasta take care of his brothers now."

Randy was silent. "Ash… when you come back to school… can we be friends? I guess that's kind of pathetic to ask: but it's weird, getting through to someone."

"Randy, you aint gotta ask." I grinned at him. "We was gettin' there anyway." The heat in his car was on, so I was real comfy. "Stop here."

He pulled to the curb and Ponyboy was sitting outside. He came up and nodded at Randy. "Thanks, Randy."

"Hey, Ponyboy," Randy said coolly, with a genuine, tentative smile on his face.

"Thanks for bringin' her back. Darry was goin' nuts. You're in a load of trouble there, Ash."

I winced. I leaned over and kissed Randy's cheek. "See you 'round, buddy." I told him, and I hopped outta the car. The ground felt colder than it had before. I jumped, the nerves in my legs twitchin' madly. That was a shock. Ponyboy picked me up around the armpits and carried me back into the house. He set me down and I looked, shamefaced, at… everyone.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"JESUS!" Case, Jack, Darry, Two-Bit, Sodapop, and even Steve hollered at me, in pure unison.

"Do you have any fucking clue how worried we were? Soda and me had to call all three of us offa work! What was goin' through your head when ya shot outta the door like that there, Ash?" Steve demanded. "You nuts or something! We was close to callin' the fuzz for ya!"

"You've been gone four hours," Case said, looking disappointed in me. "You could have called."

"I collapsed in the middle of the street," I answered calmly.

Sodapop jumped outta his seat. "You're joking!" he exclaimed in horror. "How'd you get back!"

"Randy the Soc," Ponyboy replied. Two-Bit's eyes widened, and Steve's face turned bright red.

"You were with a Soc!" Steve hollered, and at the same time, Case said in relief: "Thank God for him."

They looked at each other. "That's the Soc who jumped Johnny and Pony," Steve said coldly. Ponyboy started, looking at Steve, a curious look in his eye.

Case told him, real calm-like: "He's also the Soc who just done saved my girls life."

Darry was silent.

Two-Bit broke in. "You got any idea how worried we were about you?" he buried his head in his hands. "Thank God you're fine. Thank God it were Randy and not some smart-ass bastard."

Two-Bit had a comment for everything. His sincerity was like a kick in the gut.

Jackhammer was silent. Then he exploded, and Jesus H. Christ was it the most intimidatin' thing I'd ever seen in all my years. "Jennifer Celeste Ashton… YOU FUCKING FOOL!" he raved like a madman. I swear, I expected him to foam at the mouth. "ARE YOU STUPID! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW!" then he shut up. It was like he swallowed all the words he was gonna say. "You know, Darry went chasin' after you. He aint supposed to be outta bed. You know that… you know that all of us here, we care."

Ponyboy spoke up. "We all love you, Ash. We don't want you to hurt."

"We don't want you to go nuts, either," Steve said seriously. "Kid, we couldn't get along without you."

"You're just like Johnny," Ponyboy said seriously. "You're him without that scared look. You're a friend to everyone. When Johnny died… Dally couldn't take it."

"If you died, I don't think I could," Darry said angrily, tension oozing from every line on his face. "I'd be just like Dally." His eyes were chips of ice.

I felt the tears coming. "Guys… I'm sorry…"

"Nobody aint gonna hurt you no more," Sodapop told me seriously, his beautiful face sweet and sad.

Case rubbed a hand through his short hair. "We love you, kid. Stay tough for us. We all know how strong you are."

Jackhammer took a shaky breath. "The kid's right. We couldn't get along without ya. None of us could. Not these guys, not us. Not Charlie: not Jimmy."

"You don't know whatcha look like to us, kiddo," Two-Bit put in. "You're a walkin' scarecrow, and it's definitely scarin' us."

I heard a broken sound, and it was Darry. "Shit, kid." He cried, full out, the ice chips melting into tears. "What would I do without you?"

I ran to him, sitting at the kitchen table. He had his elbows on the table, his face cupped in his hands, his bandages wet with tears. "God, Darry, don't cry, please!" I begged.

"Jack said you've done this before," he said. "How Big Red took you to the hospital. And all I could think about was what never happened: You never graduated, you never did manage to do a proper left turn, you and Pony never finished Gone with the Wind," he said tearfully. It was so strange to see big, enormous, tough Darry break down into tears. "But there are more important things, Ash. You can't give up on us. Johnny didn't have a chance: he ached so bad. And I know you do too. You listen so well, you know everyone here so well, you hide that you've been hurtin' too," he shook. "We wanna know when you're sad, everybody in this room n more."

"It's all my fault!" I said crying too, forgetting about everybody else in the room. "I ruined it all, Darry, and you don't even know it." I clutched at his forearms, my fingers too small to wrap around his muscles.

He shook his head. "I put too much on you… working full time, doing homework, cleaning the house… paying my goddamn bills, watching my brothers. I can't ever repay you."

"You don't gotta repay me, Darry!" I said, really crying hard now. "When you love people, you do stuff for 'em. And I love you so much, Darry, don't cry no more!" I pleaded. "I love you, and if you don't want that then just tell me to get out right now."

"Christ, Ash, are you blind?" he scooped me into his arms, tears running down his cheeks. "I love you so much… and thinking about what danger your putting yourself in is killing me. I love you, I love you," he said, weeping real hard, running his hands over my face. "You're short and bossy, too feisty and opinionated, selfless and caring and wonderful…" I felt my tears subside. "You don't have to put it all on your shoulders anymore, Ash. I want you to stay, here, with me and Soda and Ponyboy."

"Of course I'll stay," I promised, wiping his tears off his cheeks. "I won't ever leave you Dare. I promise."

Suddenly, I remembered everybody else in the room. "Well jeez, don't stop now! Best soap opera I ever watched," Two-Bit cracked.

Steve grabbed him around the neck and mussed his slick hair. "Leave 'em alone man, just cause you aint getting any…"

Case knelt down next to me. "You have to eat." He said seriously. "Me and Jack are staying here, and Charlie and Jimmy'll be up in time for the rumble. We won't leave you, Ash, ever. You don't have to worry about it anymore."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

I'd gained five pounds by the time the rumble was scheduled, and stupid Darry wouldn't lemme go. "If I'm not going, you sure as hell aren't," he swore. "Charlie and Jimmy can swing by afterwards. I don't care how much you complain, you aren't going."

Jack and Case agreed with him. Bastards.

Ponyboy had handed me my report card before he left, and Darry had pounced on it proudly. "Passed everything except gym, which isn't your fault. You even have a B in math. That's better than Steve, and he showed up most days!" Darry said gleefully.

"Blahblahblah, if you want me to get exercise, you shoulda lemme go to the rumble! Ponyboy got to go!" I complained.

"Big Red would have my hide. Anyway, look, you got a C in Composition!"

"Pony got an A," I tried to distract him.

"Pony's not dyslexic. This is wonderful!"

"Shuddup," I mumbled. "I'm not even smart."

He waved the paper. "College! College! College!"

"You know, Dare," I said, knowingly bringing up the sensitive subject. "You could still go to college. It aint too late. You made the grades, they'd let you in the community college. And with me and Soda workin', and you workin' part time, we can do it. You know, Pony mentioned getting a job. Maybe at the liberry."

He sighed. "I wish," he said painfully. "But we gotta bring in enough cash."

"Darry, don't even worry about it. When I hit eighteen, I get a big wad of cash from my folks. Don't even worry, we'll manage. You sacrifice too much! You love school. It's diff'rnt for me'n Soda. You and Pony are the brains, you deserve to do this."

He hesitated. "Stop… you know how much I want this. I wish it were possible."

"It is, Dare! You better believe it is! Just… look into it, will ya?" He sighed. I knew that was a low blow. He'd do anything to make me happy, even if it depressed him. I felt guilty doin' it… but it was possible. He was just bein' a stubborn ol' Curtis. I cuddled up into him. "Anyways, we got plenty of time, and more interestin' things to do," I teased. He wrapped an arm around me and kissed me.

"Does that mean you want me to read you a book?"

"Better believe it," I grinned, handing him his battered copy of the _Carpetbaggers_.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

When the door slammed open, eight bloody boys came troopin' in, intent on celebratin' their wild success. As soon as I heard it, I shot outta bed. "CHARLIE!" I hollered delightedly, throwing myself into his arms. "Jimmy!"

Charlie's dark red hair, usually so perfect, was a crazy mess from the fight. He grinned at me with those even, yellow teeth and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. "Hey baby. How's Mr. Curtis treatin' you? Real good?" he had a long cut down his cheek, and his knuckles were bloody.

Jimmy looked pretty bad himself. He grinned at me and opened his arms, and I flund myself into his embrace. "I missed you guys so much! Jeez, it feels like forever since I was just hangin' around you crazy kids, all together!"

Jimmy's hair a wild mess, worse'n Charlie's. It was scattered about in waves, with mud and even crusted blood in it.

Darry hobbled out of his room, after pullin' on a pair of jeans. I tore away from Jimmy and stood next to him. "Guys, this is my man, Darrel Curtis. Dare, this is Big Red, my Charlie, and Jimmy, the best buddy a girl could hope for."

Darry wrapped a possessive arm around my shoulder and shook hands with the guys. I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Well, shit," I said. "Aint this a happy ending. Steve, why aint you started the celebration yet?"

Me and Darry sat on the couch with Jimmy and Charlie, while Case and Jack tore through the kitchen. In the past few weeks, it felt like a real family. Steve'n Two-Bit were always here, Jackhammer and Case slept at Two-Bit's but kept us constant company, and now Jimmy'n Charlie were here. I fiddled with the buttons on my shirt, and thought about Johnny.

You know, I feel like I knew that kid. Death aint about leavin', it's about stayin' on, the little things. I could still smell the cigarette smoke and hair grease Johnny used on this shirt. Two-Bit mentioned that every time he stole somethin', he thought of how he gave his prized knife to Dally. Darry told me how the way his closet smelled reminded him of his father. And good ol' Soda had confided that he and Steve could still remember his ma's perfume, especially in the winter, when he swore he smelled peppermint. And I could still see my ma's smile, in Darry's grin, in Soda's movie-star beam, in Ponyboy's sunrise of a smile.

Two-Bit pulled out a beer. "Well hell!" he hooted in delight. "Ash ate the last slice of cake!"

"That means you don't get any," Case reminded him.

His eyes widened. "Well shit, Ash! Idunno if I should be relieved or horrified."

I grabbed his beer and took a swig, and Darry pulled it outta my mouth, handing it to Charlie. "You oughta be grateful, for me puttin' up withya!" I answered.

"You love me," he smirked, secure in the knowledge.

"I guess love's just gathered 'round everywhere, tonight," Steve rolled his eyes.

I blew him a kiss and stared into Darry's eyes, turbulent like a lake storm. "Sure is," I said softly, and watched Darry's smile break out like sunshine after a hurricane. "Sure is."


End file.
